A short update, because that last post was kind of dramatic.
I'm having a rough start this Monday. The time change didn't make much of a difference to my morning, because even though I was tired and even though I took my normal dose of sleepies last night, I did not get any sleep. At all.
My step-siblings are here. All three of them. Grendel & co. were up binge drinking and making a HUGE bloody racket until 5.00 this morning. And in their drunken stupors, they forgot to take all their stuff from the kitchen when they eventually slithered off to bed. This morning on the counter, I found a load of paperwork on how to put someone into a senior home and have it paid through Medicare or Medicaid, which means the step-sibs plan to have step-dad shipped off somewhere asap so they can go forward with their plans to take my house. How do I know that's their plan? Welllllll, along with all the medicaid/senior home stuff, I also found two different CMA's for MY HOUSE.
...I can't even talk about this fully right now; it's just too headachy. So instead I shall discuss something more positive.
Although I would very much like to go about getting deliciously evil revenge on vitamin*-nemesis, I have decided to cut my losses and move on.
Because I am quitting the vitamins*. For good.
It's strange how something can start so small, and before you know it or even realize it, you're stuck in this awful, repetitive, completely self-destructive behavior pattern. And you feel trapped in it. Like there's no possible light if you ever manage to crawl out of that tunnel.
I had a similar "epiphany" last night as I did that time in December, when I made my largest step forward with ED recovery. (And oddly enough, last night I was also watching Lord of the Rings...). One of those "OMG how the hell did it come to this?!?" kind of moments.
So I went through my bedroom, dug out every last vitamin*, and flushed all of them down the toilet.
And afterwards, it honestly felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest.
So that's why there will probably be no revenge. I want nothing more to do with vitamin*-nemesis; and I want nothing more to do with vitamins*. It might be hellish for the first week or two, getting back to exercising without them, but I'm not going to give in. Every ache and every drop of sweat will be proof that I've given it up. I'd rather feel the aches than feel nothing, and that's really all that the vitamins* do--it's a way of completely numbing yourself to the world. And I'm sick of being numb.
Hope you all have a nice start of the week! Every single one of you deserves nice, happy days and don't you ever forget it. ♥