Friday, March 30, 2012

Why does anyone gamble? Because they believe they are sure of the outcome.


My pretend boyfriend, Bersercules illustrated a children's book. 

.....oops, wrong picture...
(⌒▽⌒)



It's a really lovely little book, the kind of children's book that rhymes, which means it's fantastic. The cyclopean octopus was my favourite. 


My Boss got a dog:

His name is Slade (so I've been calling him Brian; if you know why, you RULE), and he's a 6-year-old greyhound, rescued from the races. He's really lovely--doesn't bark or jump or slobber, and doesn't pull on the lead when you're walking him. Boss brings him into the office to hang out, and Slade spends that time sprawled out on the floor (his bed is only big enough for half of him when he sprawls...) and terrifying the clients who are afraid of dogs.

I obviously can see why someone might be afraid of dogs, but I nevertheless find it hilarious when people flip out and act terrified in front of extremely mellow dogs. Like the daughter of our one client--they came in 40 minutes early (otherwise, Boss would have taken Brian Slade home because we had a bunch of people coming in that day) and the daughter FLIPPED. Like took one look at Slade, screamed, ran out of the office, and slammed the door behind her. Slade did not budge.

Kind of like when my asshole-in-law was freaking out because my niece (his daughter) was playing on the floor with my cousin's pitbull.

KILLING MACHINES.
-__________-

Yeah so Brian Slade is very nice.

Except yesterday the vet called to inform Boss that Slade has hookworms.

I'm pretty sure everyone gets at least a little skeeved out by the idea of intestinal worms. But me? No. "Skeeved out" doesn't even begin to skim the surface.

I have a worm phobia (use that against me and you willpay, I promise). Like it's pretty bad. Snakes? Spiders? Scorpions? Rodents? Not a problem. I'll go as far as to pick them up and cuddle them. (not kidding--I am apparently the go-to person in the family for removing snakes from buildings because I'll just pick them up and take them outside {I know what the poisonous ones look like; we only get two}; same with spiders and bugs). I'm actually quite fond of snakes and spiders in particular. But bring a f**king worm near me and I'll stab you in each of your major organs in alphabetical order. With a blunt object.

So yeah the idea of worms that LIVE INSIDE YOUR BODY freaks me the eff out. I started manifesting symptoms of hookworms the second that Boss told me the dog had them.

I've had this phobia a while. Actually since so early in childhood that I cannot remember a time that I was ever NOT afraid of worms. My Bipolar Auntie and one cousin have the exact same phobia as well (complete with the projectile vomiting), which I find kind of interesting. However, I don't think their phobias have led them to the same extremes.

This one time, in high school, a bunch of friends and I did a bunch of acid.

(Actually there were quite a few times....)

So this one time, when I was like 15 (I think? I can't remember exactly, which makes me feel either old or brain-addled as a result of substance abuse; it might have been 14), at this kid Sara's house (her parents were never home), a group of us did acid.

The thing about hallucinogens is that they don't necessarily make you hallucinate. I have seen and heard unreal things while doing hallucinogens, but most of the time they just made me think in a very different way. Almost like dream-logic, but while fully awake. The way it alters your thinking, you can [usually] deal with the visuals when you get them...

...it's the REAL stuff you can't handle.

Like the possibility of intestinal parasites.

I'm not sure why, but for some reason on that day at Sara's, I became absolutely certain that I had worms. And obviously, I had to get rid of them immediately.

I tried to explain this to my friend Kat. Somehow, I managed to convince her that she also had worms. And then both of us had a panic attack.

Sara lived close enough to the centre of Nyack that Kat and I could walk there. We pretty much ran to the pharmacy on the main street, and went straight to the pet section. We had discussed the plan on the way--obviously, getting to our parents and then getting a doctor's appointment would take far too long. And these were the days before the internet, so it's not like we could look up home remedies on the computer. No, if we wanted to get rid of the worms, we would have to think of something fast ourselves.

So I suggested de-worming tablets. The kind you get for dogs. If they're safe for dogs, they should be safe for humans, right? So we legged it to the pharmacy and chose a box of de-worming tablets from among the limited selection, figuring it would be safest to go with the ones for medium sized dogs rather than large dogs. At least for the first dose.

We got a bottle of water as well, and took the de-worming tablets the second we were out the door of the shop.

Those things'll really do a number on your digestive system.

I'm debating whether I should do that again (I've de-wormed myself like 3 times since that incident...) or go to the doctor and get a proper prescription......

Loud and Anorexic Aunties are here, and I'm getting fat as a fool between all the Irish candy they brought and all the eating out. T.T I took a day off work to hang out with them, so we're off on a nice long hike now. At least I'll be getting some exercise!

Hope y'all have a fabulous weekend!! ♥

15 comments:

  1. Damn Mich, the more I see this book the more I want it, Herc is an awesome artist and I love Pat's rhymes so I want it badly! Stalkingly yours really made me laugh too, great post Mich.

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  2. Um... please be careful with de-worming yourself. You've survived 4 rounds of it, but it scares me to think on it.

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  3. Aren't snakes just big worms? haha Hope you have a good time with family.

    Sam

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  4. You took dog de-wormer? Damn. I've put some weird things into my body over the years (including acid, a few times, and you're right about the reality versus fantasy thing***) but I've never taken pooch meds. God bless you, and be careful.

    *** One of my favorite scenes ever, from a movie, comes from "Phantom Of The Paradise", a little gem from the 70's that, if you've never seen it, you should see it. One of the side characters, who steals the damn movie, is a fey heavy metal singer named Beef. He does lots of drugs. In one scene, Beef encounters The Phantom while he (Beef) is taking a shower. He then tells someone else about the encounter, but the person he tells says that he probably just hallucinated it. Beef says, "I didn't hallucinate it! I know real real from drug real!"

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  5. Well if you took pyrantel (likely), it IS used in humans too... But your Wiki article shows a pretty poor outcome of hookworm tx with pyrantel. Anything that can burrow into your skin (no outdoor barefoot walking for me, thank you!), then travel through your body to your lungs so you will cough it up and swallow it... Well, let's just say I share your horror - although I've only ever had mental pinworms (on & off for MONTHS after my microbiology class). :::shudder:::

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  6. Yay! You got a copy of my book! I hope you enjoyed it!

    Drawing the one eyed octopus was my favourite part! Everything I drew in the book was what needed to be drawn based on the story, except him! I always draw one eyed octupus guys in Conquistador armour in my personal life and I decided to add that to the book!

    (if you could, let me know about how well the print job on the book was!)

    So floating demonic bunnies good, worms bad? I can see that! I've never been afraid of worms myself but now if I need my organs acupunctured I know who to turn to!

    Good luck with the worm removal!

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  7. Aw, the 'boyf.' is such a sweetie! I LOVELOVELOVE Brian, he's GORGEOUS!!! I can't believe anyone would be afraid of Athena, she's so beautiful! Some people! Grr...!

    Hookworms are nasty, but thankfully, easy to treat. We always take a round of de-worming pills when we have the kiki's de-wormed. It's stops the cycle.

    Hope you survive the madness. Much love. :)

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  8. Oh, wow, the illustrations. Sadly, now I'm worried I've got worms... go figure ._.

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  9. You protect me from spiders, I'll protect you from worms.

    Deal?

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  10. I KNOW WHY YOU CALLED HIM BRIAN!!! That is one of the greatest movies of all time.

    One of my fav quotes from a friend when we all did mushrooms in college: "DUDE guys, is it just me or is that rhino magenta??"

    You probably don't have worms, but I know the feeling. I hope you're having a good time with your aunties!

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  11. That Brian/Slade thing kind of sounds vaguely familiar... but it escapes me. Also that drawing your 'boyfriend' Bersercules gave you made me laugh. And speaking of gifts from blogger friends...

    I'm honoring you with the KREATIV BLOGGER AWARD! Go to my blog to see your name, then follow (or ignore) The Kreativ Blogger award rules: 1. You must thank the person who has given you the award. 2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. 3. Link the person who has nominated you for the award. 4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting. 5. Nominate 7 other Kreativ Bloggers. 6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. 7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs to let them know they have been nominated.

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  12. Eeeew. Worms are pretty damn disgusting. Was it just me or did it seem like every fifth X-Files episode centered around a variation of those nasty little parasites?

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  13. Yikes worms!
    Hope dog will be okay as for self de worming hmm?

    LOL at the illustrations, have a good week

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  14. worms = bad.
    what a cute pup!!
    i have so much to catch up on.
    xox!

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  15. I'm not too bothered by worms. Unless you show me close-up pictures of them and now we have a problem.

    What bothers me regardless are centipedes and millipedes. Anything with more than 8 legs will send me into fits.

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