In trying to catch up with my commenters I've kind of fallen behind on actual blogging. I'm still like 3 posts behind (well 4 now, if you count this one), so I might just say feck it and start over. I feel guilty about that, though. Y'all take the time to come here and have a read and tell me your thoughts; I should obviously reciprocate. I need more hours in my day.
But I also hate when bloggers stop blogging with no explanation, so I guess I'll have a bit of a ramble, even though in general I feel as though I have run out of things to say.
I think Lil Bro#2 may have found my blog... I don't know for sure, though. FIGURES that one of my siblings would search the internet for "drunk hobbit" and that the picture from the LotR post would be one of only two pics on the internet of that hobbit. Proof that some things truly are genetic.
Just for 3 days...
and then again in April for a week....
It's kind of falling at a bad time, though. Since my eff-vitamins* post, I have not touched opiates. That's over a week, so I'm doing pretty well.
The lack of vitamins* has caused a bit of a relapse with the ED. And I just realized that this is exactly what happened last time I almost recovered from the ED and then relapsed--the food problem got hidden by the drug problem. Because on vitamins*, I can exercise enough that I don't worry about what I eat, which is not ED recovery at all; it's just hiding one problem with another. I can't exercise nearly as well sober (and crikey I get SO BORED!!), so my brain automatically begins demanding that I not eat anything to make up for it. If I manage to burn 450 calories at the gym (a good day), I am only allowed to eat up to 600--that sort of (il)logic. And it's so hard to find solid ground in the face of so much reckless self destruction.
So I feel like a double-failure. My brain tells me I'm a failure because I'm fat/eating too much/weak/etc; I feel like a failure because I'm having a bad recovery week. Other shite keeps piling up as well. Like at home--the two step-twats that live far away have at least fecked off back home so we only have one of them to deal with; but the whole situation with step-dad is really deteriorating. I've started and trashed several posts trying to fully explain that, but it never comes out right. Perhaps I should just stick with blunt honestly and if it makes me sound like a heartless b*tch, so be it.
Step-dad is dying of the combined forces of emphysema, lung cancer, diabetes, and heart disease; but he is dying far too slowly for everyone involved. He's actually been "dying" for the better part of the last five years, leaving everyone around him to wonder if perhaps he's ever going to die at all.
Seriously if I'm ever dying this slowly, the first person who shoots me inherits everything I own.
At this point, Step-dad needs to stay attached to his oxygen machine at all times. He has no energy and no appetite. Not much quality of life at all. (Not that he ever did anything besides sit in front of the TV and drink when he was well....). And aside from that, he has no one around who actually wants him alive.
Yes, that's mean, but I said I'd be honest. You reap what you sow, and he most certainly sowed this.
.....yeah I can't talk about this. Maybe another time.
Oh and both Anorexic Auntie and Loud Auntie are arriving on Monday. For a week. I love them to death, but I feel like my stress level is about to go from "moderate" to "apocalypse."
Speaking of the apocalypse, I just started watching The Walking Dead and I FREAKING LOVE IT.
....I know this is a bit late for St. Paddy's day, but since I had such success with this recipe, I shall post it!
You will need:
|a whole lot of shite|
...lol not really. The recipe can be much simpler, or as complicated as you want to make it. Because this is (or should be) a 12 to 18 layer cake, there is an incredible amount of room for customization.
- 4 sticks (2 cups) butter, softened
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup dark brown sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 10 large eggs
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 cup flour
- for a traditional spekkoek (which is really just a spiced cake): cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, clove, and nutmeg
- I also used 1/2 cup cocoa powder and melted chocolate chips for the choco layers
To make it:
I'm going to just lay out the simple traditional method for a regular spekkoek. I'll put my changes that I made for the St. Paddy's day cake at the end.
- Make sure you have lots of clean bowls, and that you're close enough to the sink to keep going back and washing your mixer or whisk after each step. Do not preheat the oven. You'll only need the broiler after you have finished all the prep.
- In a large mixing bowl, combine the butter and sugar.
- Next you need to separate the eggs, because first only the yolks get mixed in with the butter and sugar. Set the egg whites aside in a separate bowl.
- Then whip up the egg whites until they're stiff, like whipped cream.
- Gradually mix the whipped egg whites into the yolk/sugar/butter mix. Do not panic--it's supposed to look like that. (should have the consistency of cottage cheese kinda?)
- Sift the flour and mix it in. It should end up with a consistency more like pancake batter than cake batter.
- Now separate the batter, with half in two different bowls. Add the vanilla extract to one, add the spices to the other (I used 1 tsp ginger, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp cardamom, 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 1/4 tsp clove; but you can really use how much you want for your tastes.)
For my St. Paddy's spekkoek, I separated everything early on--separated the butter/sugar mixes so that one had brown sugar and the other white; and then after the step of adding the flour to each, I took 1/3 of each of those mixes so that I had a 3rd bowl of both brown and white sugar. I put the vanilla in the white sugar mix, the spices in the one with both sugars, and the cocoa powder and melted chocolate in the one with only brown sugar. Then I dyed the spiced mixture green and attempted to dye the chocolate mixture orange.
NOW gather all of your patience, because it's time to cook it.
- Turn on the broiler.
- I used a circular 9" baking pan; a really really good one that is non-stick even when not greased. Most of the recipes I looked up recommended greasing the bottom of the pan with butter or something similar and then adding a layer of wax paper, and then greasing that as well. With my skills in dropping things, setting things on fire, and blowing things up, I thought it best to just stick to the pan with no wax paper. However, if you want your spekkoek to look fab with no icing (like a traditional spekkoek) I would try the wax paper method.
- Pour a very very thin layer of cake mix into the pan and spread it evenly on the bottom. It doesn't matter which one you start with--spiced or plain. I started with the chocolate.
- Stick that under the broiler and WATCH IT. Every oven is different. My layers took between 1 to 1 1/2 minutes to cook, but the first bunch of layers might take up to 2 minutes because they're farther away from the heat. Take the pan out as soon as the layer of cake is solid.
- Add a really thin layer of the other mix over the first one, spreading it out evenly.
- This can take a while because of the consistency of the mix. Just do your best and try not to get frustrated. Broil the next layer just like the first one. And then the next and the next, alternating between the spiced mix and the plain mix.
- When you're finished (it should have a minimum of 12 layers, but don't beat yourself up if you don't get there on the first try...). Let the cake cool.
Then remove it from the pan.
Mine wasn't perfect, so I iced it. :D
For Easter, I plan on making this again, only ditching most of the spices and separating the final batter into like 6 different bowls and making each one a different colour, so I can have a rainbow spekkoek. Obvs, there shall be photos.
Have a good weekend, kids! <3