Tuesday, February 14, 2012

So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads.

This survey is from Tempest:
1. Have you ever talked your way out of a ticket (bad grade, punishment)? If so, how?
Oh goodness...adding "bad grade" and "punishment" just made my answer potentially several pages long. I've always been one of those @ssholes who refuses to abide by silly things like rules when they interfere with my own personal wants and needs, and my general attitude is such that I tend to get away with this sort of behaviour about 98% of the time. High school is probably the best example--the teachers and other various authority figures all eventually gave up giving me punishments like failing grades or detentions. By the end of senior year, my homeroom/history teacher was actually starting class 15 minutes late to accommodate my morning schedule. And the vice principal and I came to an "agreement" in which I never had to serve detention ever (because by then I had accumulated so many detentions that if I actually started showing up to those detentions, he would have been stuck after school every day of the week for the foreseeable future). 

Not many teachers had a problem with this, either. One who did was the evil troll-hag that lurked in the basement of my first high school, the one who tried to give me detentions for "non-uniform" shirts and shoes pretty much every day. I stopped showing up to those detentions fairly early on and the Troll-hag complained to the principal, Sister Ellen. I heard from my fav teacher, Sister Linda, that apparently Sister Ellen told Troll-Hag to just forget about it and leave me alone because "there's just no point."


I think my fav ever though is how I passed geometry sophomore year.

Mr. Crucio and I did not get along. This was when I still attended the Catholic high school, and in that school, the teachers rotated cafeteria monitoring. (We didn't have monitors in the public school, and I'm not really sure what the administrators of the Catholic school thought we would get up to if left to our own devices...) Most of the teachers on monitor duty just hung out with the lunch ladies, or occasionally the "cooler" teachers would mingle with the students. (I liked it best when Sister Linda monitored; she would sit at my table to eat lunch.)

But Mr. Crucio took his cafeteria monitoring duties very seriously. On the days he monitored us, it went from lunch time in a school cafeteria to lunch time at a maximum security penitentiary.

He actually would not allow us to leave the cafeteria.

Which was totally stupid, because a lot of us liked to occasionally go to the library during lunch (read: sneak outside to smoke; I'm sure there were good students who actually went to the library, but I was not one of them) or go to the school store and buy candy. Or I dunno, go to the bathroom. Or leave the cafeteria early to stop at our lockers. None of the other teachers ever stopped us from leaving the cafeteria during the lunch period. Just Mr. Crucio.

The simple solution to this was to leave the cafeteria via the back door. Sure he'd yell and stuff when he saw you leaving, but by the time he shuffled all the way across the cafeteria, you'd be well on your way upstairs.

But after a few weeks, Mr. Crucio caught on to this and started monitoring from the middle of the cafeteria, where he could cover both exits. That still didn't stop me from leaving as soon as his back was turned, so eventually it became his personal mission to make sure Mich stayed in the cafeteria.

Game on, b*tch.

I never understood why everyone else was afraid of "getting in trouble." I mean what the heck could the teachers actually do to you? They weren't allowed to use corporal punishment. Sure Sister Clara had ignored that law, but I had never encountered any other teachers that hit us. So what else could they do? Yell at you? Oh man, I'm scared now!


Mr. Crucio got more and more intense at cafeteria monitoring to the point where he was pretty much circling my lunch table like an effing shark to make sure I stayed there. Eventually, I got fed up with this. I attempted reasoning with him. I just wanted to go to the library; none of the other teachers had a problem with students leaving the cafeteria before the end of the lunch period; none of the other lunch monitors said we weren't allowed to leave; etc., etc. But Mr. Crucio would not be swayed. Even when his monitoring-partner (my gym teacher) tried to argue my case ("For God's sake, just let her leave."), he would not budge.

And so Mich lost her temper. In front of half of the school.

Ever watch that episode of Fawlty Towers with the Germans?

Yes, ladies and gents--I stood up on the table, gave Mr. Crucio a sieg heil, 

and then did that walk right out of the cafeteria with him too stunned to even chase after me and yell.

The next morning I received a notice that I was suspended from school for a week. (My thoughts: SCORE, week-long vacation! :D)

That afternoon, I received a notice that I was no longer suspended for a week, but instead would have a three-day in-school suspension.

The morning after that, I received a notice that I would have a one-day in-school suspension, with a handwritten note at the bottom from the principal: "PLEASE just stay in the cafeteria when he's there."

(I thought I had saved that notice, but after an intense search of my bedroom I have come up with nothing.)

Throughout all of this, Mr. Crucio was my geometry teacher. I suck at math in general, but I suck twice as bad at geometry. That plus Crucio's blind hatred of me resulted in a big fat F at the end of the year.

So the day before the year ended, I did what I always did with the teachers who were threatening to fail me--paid them a visit and talked them into giving me a passing grade. Mostly I just had to do this for math and Spanish and sometimes science, and it usually took no more than 10 minutes. But--not surprisingly--Mr. Crucio did not want to give me a passing grade.

It took all of my restraint not to come right out and call him a MORON.

Mich: "You are aware that you are the only geometry teacher in the school, yes?"

Mr. Crucio:

Mich: "Do you really want to have me in your class AGAIN next year?"

Mr. Crucio: "Jesus..."

And that is how Mich got a D in geometry.

2. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Why the heck would he do a thing like that?
- OBVS so I could cook them into a delicious stir fry.

3. You hear strange noises and run to your neighbor's place to find out what's going on. She's clutching a marble lamp, and her husband lies dead on the floor. You've seen suspicious bruises on her before, but she doesn't have any now. What do you do?
Casually mention that lye and hydrofluoric acid can do wonders. And that as far as I know, no one ever does any intense hiking on this one particular trail at the Ramapo Mountain State Forest. The trail isn't even actually marked....
Oh yeah and I didn't see nothin.

4. Andy Griffith, Dick van Dyke, or Lucille Ball?

5. Is the glass half empty or half full? What on earth is in that glass, anyway?
Either way, WHERE THE HECK IS MY WAITER because obviously I need a refill. Allagash White, and pour it CORRECTLY if you please.

6. Lots of casual friends or a few close ones?
Idk.....depends on my mood.

I received two lovely packages this weekend, and shall now gush over the contents of said packages. I am not doing this to show off, mind you--this is so the angels who sent the packages are getting proper thanks and appreciation.

I got Peri's package on Friday.
There was some lovely manicure things; lotion, which says I should use it sparingly but which I have been using every half hour; some delicious colours of embroidery thread; a lovely pair of earrings; a little dog-money-squirrel thingy in a little house; a fun turtle craft project; and a FANTASTIC diary.
...so much win...

Then Jeanne's package arrived on Saturday:
I got some awesome new books, a cigarette rolly thingy (1st attempt = epic fail, but sure try try again), some yummy lip balm, Hello Kitty ribbon I've been wearing in my hair,

a set of pink bracelets, and this GORGEOUS set of knitwear:

You gals definitely spoil me far too much. <3


  1. You were that kid none of the other kids were allowed to hang out with, weren't you

  2. As a high school teacher, I have to say that I am very happy there aren't that many of you out there.
    As a former rebel, you're awesome.

  3. That is one of my favourite episodes! (Don't mention the war!)

    I'm so pleased you gave Mr. Crucio what-for! Go, M.! Some people really do need a blowtorch enema! We didn't have a cafeteria at our school, but the prefects would patrol the halls and kick you out of the building if it wasn't raining. I spent a lot of time hiding under the stairwell in front of the library! No one ever thinked to look for a weird, arty girl with knobbly knees there!

    I'm glad your package arrived in one piece. You do look awfully cute in the knitwear! I hope it's cold enough for you to wear it! :)

  4. Wow! Catholic high school sounds lame! Glad to hear you fought stupid athority! I wish I could have gotten bad grades and then pulled that kind of stuff to get passing grades! Hearing about your march out of the cafeteria made my day!

  5. loved the stories, if only I had your gift for a day. Anytime I try to get out of someting it usually fails, but noted were taken so we'll see.


  6. I'm glad i never went to catholic school :( It sounds hellish! ( No pun intended ;) ) You sounds bloody clever doing what you did :P Screw authority! And your pic is gorgeous btw :) xxx

  7. Pretty knitwear on a lovely young woman...

    I can't remember my teenage years. For some reason, that makes me happy.

    xoxoxo, cd

  8. You know, I can just picture you doing all this. You were a holy terror like I was. The Hitler move on the table is outrageous and just so very Mich. The Fawlty tours vid is great. He got clobbered in the head by that moose and left hospital, went back to the hotel, kept saying "Don't talk about the war" and then insulted the Germans by doing just that. I have the whole series on DVD. And lastly you look fabulous in that pic petal. xoxoxo

  9. LOVE your gloves. The thought of you, brilliant, creative, talented, hilarious, outspoken, weird you... in a catholic school.... so much laughter. You must've torn the place down.

  10. Loved that first story Mich, it's crazy to imagine you being educated in a Catholic show though, such a great story. You look beautiful in that final photo too, love the knitwear too!

  11. AHAHAHA! I love this entry. Everything about it. Love.

    You + me + vodka + (stuff which we might not post pix of on our facebook pages) + guff = craic.

    Can. Not. Wait.

  12. bahaha. bright spot in my day. Your pictures never cease to amaze me. As for Mr. Crucio: Harry Potter reference? Or just a happy coincidence? Either way, he was aptly named.

    I'd just like you to know, I very much appreciate your comments. Thank you. You're lovely. xx

  13. i so love this , Mich. i would love to have witnessed your "goose-stepping" performance right outta there! i admire you so, i was always such a coward in High Scool....i think the most "rebellious" things i did were go out to lunch or skip out on class to go shopping. Fail.

    Mum and i loved "Fawlty Towers". "Manuel"......"But I learn, I learn. I get beter."

    Adorable pictures!!!!!!!

    Loves to you!

  14. That first story was all kinds of wicked awesome. Everything else here was gravy, and I like gravy a lot.

  15. Speaking of Harry Potter, I just noticed that your scarf up top is Griffindor colors. Coincidence? I'm tickled pink at your answers :D I really do love reading stories from people who have the instinctive assertiveness (sometimes channeled for good, sometimes for evil, both fun to read about) which I lack.

  16. I'm so glad you got the box! I was worried someone in the postal service would nick it :x

    I think the little mutant thing was supposed to be a giraffe, but with the current trend for bobble-heads on everything its hard to tell :/

    You deserved to be spoiled, and there is PLENTY more of that lotion at Knitworld. Just let me know when you run out :p

    OMFG I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I'm so going to start limbering my hamstrings so I can sieg heil the Fascist Bitch at work when she's being particularly anal. "Do you really want me in your class again next year?" BEST CALL IN THE HISTORY OF GOOD CALLS!

    I hope you're having a good week and that the roads are safe for travelling around.


  17. Havnt seen faulty towers in ages lol

  18. P.S.

    Gah I totally forgot to thank you for the EPIC VALENTINE! It got here on the 14th, and I found it in my mailbox after dinner with Miles. Treebeard was my favourite character when I was little. I always wished I could go and find the Entwives so there would be little Entings for me to play with ^.^; Coz full-grown Ents are just a little tall for an 11-year-old to imagine, ya know?

    I've been taken most V-Days, which is awkward since I'm completely unromantic and always end up with sentimental guys. Oops! The most memorable was probably after moving schools and getting a bouquet from the school bully. Weeeeeird!

    I hope you're having a good week and your coworkers are behaving themselves!


  19. Damn good answers especially the first one obviously.....

  20. Oh my goodness I know you hear this all the time but YOU ARE AMAZING! that poor geography teacher had no idea what hit him!


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.