Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The lords of my fist are about to compel your teeth.

So the camping adventure was not quite as exciting and adventurous as I thought it would be.

I got incredibly lost on the way there, in the middle of Amish country. I ended up pulling into the only non-Amish establishment on that endless county road.

That google maps photo must be incredibly outdated, because the place looked quite a bit more run down when I arrived there, and the parking lot was full of old beat up pickup trucks and motorcycles. Fortunately, I blend in very well in such locales, and was given detailed directions to the campsite.

I had the option of staying in the camper, as step-uncle opted to sleep in his car, but stepmom and the bros are freaks of nature when it comes to comfortable living temperatures, and thus by bedtime the temperature inside the camper hovered somewhere around 150 degrees.

So I was like yeah no I'll sleep outside where I won't be broiled alive.

you guys

nature is really loud

I did not get much sleep over the weekend. Y'all ever experience a barred owl?

Now imagine hearing 50 of them, directly outside of your tent at 3 in the morning.

They finally stopped after an hour, only to be replaced at 5AM by Baltimore orioles and a flock of cardinals that sounded like they were using megaphones. In between there somewhere I had a very graphic dream in which my ex  Paul#1 slit my throat with a machete.

Lil Bro#1's graduation was very nice. We had a lovely lunch afterwards, and went antique shopping. I am somewhat disturbed that these things

are now considered antiques, because I had one as a child.

We had a barbecue at the campsite later, following which I had another mostly sleepless night in the tent. On top of the nature noises, it also rained on Saturday night. By Sunday morning, the inside of my tent was rather damp. I got up at 6, packed my stuff, and fled the campsite by 7, as I was not sure how much time I had before the lack of sleep caught up with me and I really didn't want to fall asleep at the wheel and drive off a cliff.

Nothing feels more depressing than driving back into Bergen County, NJ after being away for a few days. 

I am debating driving down to Kentucky on Thursday night for the Paducah Lower Town Art & Music Festival, and then driving back home again on Sunday. 


  1. congrats to your lil bro on his graduation! and to you for surviving camping. :) we have barreds around here. i love them, but i can imagine quite a few would get VERY noisy! :)

  2. Oh, Mich, the pic of you in the tent the rain is adorable, in spite of your sad face...I just love it! Ahhh, life in nature, with all the "lovely" birds...now you know what I go through every morning and no, I don't live in a tent...yet! Glad you had a fun adventure. Yes, I had that toy as well...and I'm about 100 years older than you! Love ya!

  3. Wow, sorry about the nightmare...even mine don't get t h a t bad! :(

  4. I don't know which is the best line- "The lords of my fist are about to compel your teeth" or "Nothing feels more depressing than driving back into Bergen County, NJ after being away for a few days". And I never need owls at 3 AM- all we need is raccoons on the back porch, and Scrappy makes all the noise I need.

  5. Barred owls are my favorite though! They look so cute... but I guess they sound totally different. :D

    Sorry about the nightmare. :(

  6. I used to camp a lot as a kid, but then I grew wiser and grumpier.

  7. Hahaha wow your drawing made me chuckle.
    I live in a farm (or well my mother does) but we have never had any owls in our vicinity (thank god) what a cacophony.
    Restless sleeping often leads to nightmares I guess, but yours sounds absolutely terrifying.. I'm sorry you had to dream that *hugs*
    And congrats to your bro for graduating!! You must be proud xp

    Take care
    Mandy xx

  8. I will tell you the secret of my birthday, I'll just put it here where no one can see... 23rd of May, what year, noooo, let's not go down that (long) road. I've been celebrating my 23rd birthday for some years now.

  9. I've noticed that all sounds are amplified in the wee hours! Even a small, tinkling wind chime in the tree at the bottom of the garden sounds like a clanging gong right outside your bedroom window! Glad you survived the whole ordeal. I agree, finding out that things from our childhood are now antiques is a little terrifying! I blame our youth obsessed society! If you do head down to Kentucky, have fun and travel safely. :)

  10. Once you are out in the wild a few times, you'll get used to it. Last year I was camping for 2 weeks in Canada and at one point, under freezing temps, and me being the only human being for miles around, I heard what sounded like a gigantic living being walking around, long strides and shit. It wasn't a bear because this thing was bipedal and no human being ever makes such long ass strides.

    Also there were the sounds of a pack of coyotes every now and then. It felt more like i was camping in a cemetery, but I'm so used to it that I slept like a fat, soiled baby.

  11. Mich doesn't look amused. nice froggie. and oh - i bloody hate camping.

    150 degrees? sounds like part of the instructions for cake baking. no thank you.

    a barred owl? no. but when i clicked on that video, i wanted to smuggle that little bastard. he sounds like he is laughing at your dismay.

    "Now imagine hearing 50 of them, directly outside of your tent at 3 in the morning." pack a shotgun next time my love.

    "They finally stopped after an hour, only to be replaced at 5AM by Baltimore orioles and a flock of cardinals that sounded like they were using megaphones." the shotgun idea was rendered useless i see.

    this is absolutely terrible. when i went out camping here, we have a tent that's still wired with electricity, and has yummy foods the fam gathers around. all you do is sit back and eat yourself half to death, then when you are so full you cannot move, someone suggest hiking.

    holy shit. what a dream.

    shhhhh. everything is antique these days. surprised you didn't find an iPhone 3 in that shop.

    yikes. honestly, i commend you for holding out this long. i would've fucking died out there no doubt. we've evolved so much as human beings and evolution has taken to us living in buildings and warm places. no longer do we have to endure the wild. so why the hell do we keep coming back to it? if you want to feel one with nature, i suggest you get a nice cosy green fuzzy-looking carpet and pretend it's grass. sleep on that thing one day and that's enough camping for the rest of your life.

    go. go. go. go to the festival. have funs. make up for the lack of fun in this camping shit.

    comment reply to the lovely Mich:

    "Percy looks lovely and little and hobbit sized" thank you. he also agrees that he is appropriately dressed for Zumba. his shirt says 'More Issues than Vogue' (despite the fact that you cannot see it) and it is perfect.

    "Percy does not look like Buckbeak." or a barred owl apparently. :) Percy is grateful.

    "How did the exams go!?!? I'm sure you got something obscene on all of them, like A++++ on everything." that's not possible. i'm sure it isn't. no, i've always been blessed with the "nearly there but not really" phenomena. when i applied for uni, i was dropped down a few years because my percentage was not as 'high' as they wanted it to be, i.e. 89% instead of the magic 90%.

    i do get one or two or a few A's per semester, but there is always those few B's lurking about reminding me that i am not good enough. and let's not talk about psychology. if i pass psychology, i'd be a chipper bird (and Percy, the perfectionist, means it!).

    i had to giggle when you said you took the Fred and George route...alas, i cannot.

    *blows kisses*

    -Sam Lupin

  12. I love love LOVE camping, but have some similar stories for sure. I haven't experience owls though ha ha! I hope you got some sleep later! And the toy? I had one of those as did everyone else... I remember pulling the string and then holding it tightly to make the animals sound weird. They are antiques!?!??!

  13. We have an owl that lives around here (not barred) and he's already annoying as it is. Even with the windows closed and the fan on I can still hear that bastard. I can only imagine how it is in a tent with 50 of them going.


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