Wednesday, July 31, 2013

It's a triple acting, alpha-hydroxy acid natural complex to reactivate your skin making you... scientifically more beautiful!

My body is in open rebellion against me.

....I am about to admit something that causes me enormous amounts of shame btw.

Today, I removed a hair from my breast. With tweezers. A BLACK hair.

This isn't the first time either. I noticed it about a year ago. It always comes back, each time even blacker than before, it seems. There's one on the other breast as well. And one right in the middle of my chest. And the one that has popped up on my right arm for the last several years.

WHAT THE F*CK.

A few months ago, I discovered yet another rogue black hair. But this one was not safely hidden beneath my shirt whilst I am out in public. Oooooh no.

It was on my mothertrucking chin.


Seriously.

I'M GROWING A BEARD.

T.T

I should join the circus. At least there, someone might appreciate the other awkward body hair--the one with which I have been at war since I was a small child. It is apparently something that only happens to people who trace their lineage back to the British Isles, because only my relatives (both brothers, one sister, several cousins, and Dadum), and I think another one of you bloggers (I won't mention names) admitted falling victim to this particular awkward hair growth.

Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning, go look in the mirror, and do a horrified double-take when I notice it.



The mutant eyebrow hair that grows six inches overnight.

seriously

WHY

Let's not even get into the grey hair I removed a few months ago. I'm not saying where it was except that it was not on my head. But STILL this is premature aging. :*O


No sir I don't like it.  

17 comments:

  1. Random thick black hairs huh? I take it you haven't seen Jeff Goldblum's The Fly? Exciting things to come!

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  2. Whatever you do, don't shave your breast. Beside the danger of developing five o-clock shadow on your boobie, you could slice a nipple RIGHT off. And that would be worse than a six inch long eyebrow hair.
    Don't feel too badly, though. Over the course of the past few years, I've started to grow hairs from my ears and nose which are long enough to moor a ship.
    So, you can clearly see I'm a real hottie.

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  3. Replies
    1. Why doc wanted to test me for that actually.... Apparently it is abnormal for one to get actual mothereffing contractions during the first two days of their monthlies. >:(

      Delete
  4. It's okay Mich because I am so sure that so many more girls have far worse problems than this although I'm a little freaked out at the thought in general of girls having facial hair haha, especially when I can grow so little, there's probably ladies out there with more than me!

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  5. You are not alone!
    I don't have the rogue eyebrow hair, but my brows are threatening to go unibrow and I have several black hairs growing in the same embarassing places as you. And for some reason the left side of my face wants a mustache but the right side just wants one random black hair at the corner of my mouth. Wtf?

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  6. Pshhht! I have boob hairs too. Two. One on my left breast and one in the middle of my chest. They always come back, so I gave up on tweezing them away.

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  7. I want to be the cat and I want to see you in a pink bikini (from your header pic okay)
    you can show me that black hair next time...
    i'd be really interested
    also because I comment whilst reading - I accidentally scrolled and saw 'I love hairy men' which in that case, we should get married my honey and then have more childrens
    yeah that's tots how a beard looks like my love
    KILL IT KILL IT WITH YOUR SEXY
    CALM DOWN MICH youre going to be fine

    -Sam Lupin
    PS. some people dig the old look

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ok, I too shall admit that I have a few rogues on my boobs, and I've also got those HORRIBLE long black ones growing from freckle-moles (Big freckles or flat moles. Hybrid bastards) on my arms AND my face. Not fun. I only noticed the face ones a few months ago and cried coz I looked like Nana-M with them D:

    Don't even get me STARTED with the sodding monobrow that tries to take over my face. Fuck. That. Shit.

    All my greys are at the back of my head so far. Years of picking scabs on my scalp (Instead of creating scabs to pick elswhere) means that at 24 I had started growing them and at 26 I'm well into the dozen territory. Annoying shiny silver curly things that stick up out of my braid and yell LOOK AT ME I'M FUCKING OLD!

    Time to buy bleach and a crate of Manic Panic 'After Midnight Blue'.

    You with me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely with you! That is why I will never stop bleaching my head. I don't want to know when it's turning grey...

      Delete
  9. I have like 12 chin/neck hairs I tweeze. I had one on my chest, but it disappeared after I tweezed it twice. Lol

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  10. Welp if my Mother's side of the family is any indication, my hair will be turning grey before I hit 30.

    At least it'll be an easy way to dye my hair red.

    ReplyDelete
  11. P.S.
    Long overdue comment reply >.<

    I've heard a few tricks for reducing/getting rid of pilling on jersies. Snipping them off close to the fabric with sharp scissors/knife reduces the number of free fibres to create more. My friends couldn't afford to get their kits dry-cleaned so they washed them with shampoo/conditioner in the machine to keep 'em nice.

    YES I MUST CATCH UP WITH GAME OF THRONES TO HELP YOU WITH THE PROJECT! You'v seen my sketchy photoshop dragons, right?

    Ok I need to start a nightmare-reversal folder so I can resume watching Doctor Who. Those sodding gasmask people from season one gave me a WEEK of zombie apocalypse nightmares.

    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck have you explained to your Psych in small words that the use of terms like 'mindfulness' make you tune out everything that follows?

    I have tried to talk to him Miles doesn't really understand it. It's easier to say I'm having a shitty day because of brainspaz/work or explain what my brain starts to do when Xevent happens. (Last time I did that he looked at me like I'd grown 10ft purple antlers and said "Wow, your brain really IS an asshole!" Nah, really? -.-;)

    Gremlin (The Boy's cat) did that with this beanbag chair, which is why it went unfilled for so many years. There were bigger priorities than buying more guts for it. Yay for spotlight sales and good busking days! :D

    WOO YEAH ELLEN RIPLEY FTW!

    Sending wintry love from down under <3

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  12. I'm jealous of your beard.

    Sincerely,
    A man that can't grow facial hair

    ReplyDelete
  13. Its a weird hormone thing I guess, because I'm pretty much albino and I still get random black hairs in unfair places.

    ReplyDelete

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