Tuesday, August 23, 2016

In Which Mich Reveals Her Insanity, Again


Once upon a time, like 10ish(I think?) years ago, Mich went to the Warwick Valley Farmer’s Market for the first time. And Mich fell in love with The Pesto Man.

We have known him as The Pesto Man ever since. Every Sunday, he is there, selling pesto next to one of the bakers. (Buddha Pesto, to be precise; it is rather delicious). And pretty much every Sunday after church, I spend approximately 15-20 minutes on touching up my hair and makeup,

(How I'd like to think I look:)
yes I do actually walk around with a parasol*
(How I probably look in real life:)


....and I convince myself that I need pesto just so I can try and work up the courage to ask The Pesto Man if he’s single.

(Naturally, I have not.)

But then a couple weeks ago, when I was not buying pesto, nor anywhere near the Buddha Pesto stand, but walking on the other side of the market with Stepmom, The Pesto Man caught my eye and smiled.**

Following that incident, Mich attempted to stalk him out on facebook. After spending far too much time on the Buddha Pesto website and Facebook page, it was surmised that The Pesto Man is not in fact directly involved with the family who own Buddha Pesto, but just works for them. I managed to find one single photo of him from 2012 posing with the owner and another dude, but he wasn’t tagged in it, and is listed only as “Third Mann.”

he's the one on the right; this will probably get deleted after 24 hours for the sake of privacy
SUCH INTRIGUE

Not to be defeated, Stepmom decided on a course of action this past weekend. On Sunday after church, we went to the Buddha Pesto stand as always, I got a smile from the Pesto Man and was naturally rendered incapable of speech,


and Stepmom said to him, “you know we’ve been seeing you here for years and we don’t even know your name.”

So we exchanged formal introductions, and as luck would have it, he has an extremely uncommon first name.

Armed with that single piece of information, Mich returned to Facebook and went into full blown Super Stalker Mode.

I FOUND HIM.

After a lot of internet stalking, 





I discovered he is a musician (a fairly good one, though he only released one album in 2007), he has at least one motorcycle, and as far as social media goes, he is pretty well off the grid.

And my super-stalking did not prove whether or not he is single. There are no photos of him with women, no female friends on his facebook with his last name, and no female friends with his last name that are friends with friends of his friends.***

I am incredibly tempted to get our PI to do a professional search on him, but I shall restrain myself because I feel like that’s too psycho even for me.

Big Sis#2’s advice: “F**k it, send a message to his facebook page and tell him you like his music.”

Lil Sis’s advice: “DON’T DO ANYTHING YOU’RE A FREAK”

:/


In other news, there are currently people from 3 news channels and 2 newspapers packed into my office because one of our cases sort of went viral. 





























*I can't go getting a tan, people will think I'm poor.


**miracle of miracles, Mich did not fall over


***Not kidding with the super stalking. This is what happens when you’ve been working with attorneys and private investigators for 8 years. 

24 comments:

  1. Of course, he could be gay...
    Sorry, had to be said. But why not just talk to him? (Not like I'd do any better, but it's easy to be all adult when typing a comment on the internet.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I refuse to entertain such a notion.

      As for just talking to him...... I wouldn't know what to talk about, and as he works the farmer's market, he is generally surrounded by a load of other people. Awkward.

      Delete
    2. A) I had heard about that case. Do these people get jobs at Catholic institutions JUST to cause a lawsuit?

      B) You sound a lot like a younger me romantic-wise. But you have the advantage of stepmom and big sis. Take advantage of it!

      Delete
    3. Our client went to that school and went back for a job there because she love the school so much. They're totally fine with a divorced principal, faculty with kids out of wedlock, and people living unmarried with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Our girl had nothing to do wthat the religious education, she was just a guidance counselor. They were looking for a reason to fire her because she blabbed about 2 teachers screwing students on a field trip in Europe. Those teachers still work there.

      It's a good idea to read all the facts before judging and casting stones.

      Delete
    4. This should be a slam-dunk case. Here's how I see it, in condensed form:

      Plaintiff's Attorney: I call the Pope to the stand.

      Pope: "Who am I to judge?"

      Plaintiff's Attorney: We move for a directed verdict for the plaintiff.

      Judge: So decreed.

      In other news, just talk to the guy. You're already "smiling" buddies. Speech shouldn't be a big leap. Guys like to be talked to by pretty girls. Even pesto guys.

      Delete
  2. I know I should probably give you some sort of advice and encouragement about approaching Pesto Man and letting him know you're interested in whatever socially acceptable way that people do such things. But...I never learned how to do that. Ever. I have no skills whatsoever, and if it wasn't for meeting women online I would have been alone forever. As it is I'm still doing the exact same thing you're doing (well, I was as of two weeks ago)

    "I am incredibly tempted to get our PI to do a professional search on him, but I shall restrain myself because I feel like that’s too psycho even for me." I hear that. The lawyers at my firm introduced me to various ways to search for and gain access to highly personal information. It freaks me out that this info is even available; I don't even like using it on debtors. If I wanted to, I could find out where my crush lives, where she shops, what gym she goes to... but I would never ever do that. I do have my limits, believe it or not ;-)

    p.s. i LOL'ed at the Sun's facepalm in your 7pm pic.

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  3. I think 10 years is long enough to actually try to have a conversation with the man. Plus, it will make one heck of a story if he actually has liked you from afar for ten-ish years. (Talk about two peas in a pod.) So, I'm with whichever sibling said to go for it. What is there to lose really? From where I'm sitting it looks like there is only potential gain.

    Sending you much good fortune from the Sunshine State. <3

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  4. He's very beautiful. You should keep stalking.

    If you do, just be careful when you talk to him again. I tend to drop information into conversations with stalkees that ONLY could have been found out during stalking.

    They figure that out eventually.

    It's awkward.

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  5. My apologies for not knowing the story. Things like this doesn't help Christians anywhere. Sounds like she had a job at Payton Place.

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry I was snappy, not your fault. Been a long few days of some very nasty fanmail. :/
      ....which is an improvement for Bossman I guess; the last time he had a big case like this (involving Planned Parenthood) he was getting regular death threats.

      Delete
  6. No insanity on your part...women have been stalking men forever and the Internet is just making it easier. When I was younger, (ah ever so much younger, as in teenager) my girl friends and I would drive by my-yet-to- be-boyfriend-but-is-now-my-husband's house) If there would of been computers back then, I would of had a lot less miles on my car.

    Tricky business trying to find the opportunity to talk to him but at some point you probably will have to speak up and make some small talk.

    I hadn't heard of that case but it is interesting. I am surprised that in this day and age sexual orientation would be grounds for getting fired even by a religious based employer. I probably am very naive.

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  7. Um YUS. You should totally strike up a convo with him. Find out where he checks in on Facebook to play and GO THERE. Hahaha. Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirt-stalking when love is on the line! :)

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    Replies
    1. Dear Mich, I love this entry, so of course, it got erased , I wanted to tell you, your beautiful painting is in a lovely frame now and I love it so much. I also love this entry and you!

      Delete
  8. So I've seen you with my own two eyes, and I'm sorry to inform you that you much more closely resemble parasol lady up top here.

    The only thing that gives me the courage to speak to people I find attractive is the knowledge that I have 0% intent of it actually turning into anything, so it keeps the stakes low. Don't take dating advice from me O.O

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  9. Pesto Man is hot cha cha cha. Janie Junebug's advice: Can you buy Pesto Man's album? I would. Then I'd talk to him about it. Start by saying you like it. Then move on to the instruments he plays and did he write the songs himself and does he play at any local clubs, bars, whatever, where you might happen to show up to smile at Pesto Man?

    Fired for blabbing that teachers screwed students. I got fired from a school because I knew teachers wrote essays for students during the standardized testing. Those teachers had been there a lot longer than I had. Even if it had gotten out, the teachers wouldn't have gotten more than a slap on the wrist. I told quite a few people, but I didn't go to the media. I foolishly hoped to get another job. Six years later, all hope is gone. Except for you and Pesto Man.

    Love,
    Janie

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  10. LOL. Oh Mich, I <3 you.
    Listen to Big Sis#2!

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  11. Go for it! Listen to big sis, we're always right!

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  12. I like Janie's suggestions. Buy his album and then go talk to him about it. After all, you're both musicians, so you've got that at least to talk about, right? Can't hurt to say hi and tell him you liked his music. I'd be thrilled if anyone came up to me and said they liked my book :)

    Pesto man is rather attractive...

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  13. I have played internet PI too. Actually, I did it way too many times...but that's a story for another day. And a bottle of wine, or three. I hated when I didn't find out what I needed. How dare people be so private! Geez! *smiles*

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  14. Yay for that lady standing up for herself! Seriously someone get on that school's ass for cherry picking what "religious beliefs" they actually enforce.
    Also hiiiiii :)

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  15. the Pesto Man. God, i love you.

    i bet that what you look like is actually 100% better than your 'touched up' pic. just saying. you're a stunner!

    the Pesto Man is very pretty.

    omg your pictures of stalking are absolutely brilliant. ugh. i love them. i love you i love you i love you. especially the last one with the irate moon! such cute!

    don't take Lil Sis' advice. JUST TALK TO HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE. he's human. trust me.

    aye, i heard about your case going viral. i'm not too bothered to know what it's about (bad Sam), but wow, missy!




    -Sam Lupin

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We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.