Aux contraire mon cher; he could eat the whole colony.

I unearthed a film from my childhood yesterday: Slipstream. Very strange, low-budget scifi that didn't make sense when I was 6 and does not make sense now. Do yourself a favour and go watch it. 

Idk... I've been on a Bill Paxton kick lately. Like BP circa the 1980's. I'm pretty sure this is Will's fault. And even if it's not, I'm going to say it is anyway.

.....This is kind of an abrupt change in subject, but I feel the need to complain about How Twilight Ruined Vampires for Everyone. 

I realize I might be in the minority with my hatred of the Twilight series, and of course everyone is entitled to like or dislike whatever they so choose without being judged for it, but I seriously effing the Twilight series. I read all 4 books--I FORCED myself to read all 4 books because I kept thinking to myself, "these books have sold like a bazillion copies; it has to get good at some point."

Negative.

Book 1 had promise, but then it never really went anywhere. I didn't mind the 1st movie, but that was because they took the book and cut out everything that was unnecessary and condensed it into 2 hours. Book 2 was like reading the diary of the World's Most Hopelessly Besotted Crybaby. By the end of the book, I wanted Bella to DIE a horrible and painful death. Book 3..... I have like no memory of book 3 except for the fact that I thought it didn't have much of a plot. I tried watching the film to refresh my memory, but after 3 attempts of not being able to get through more than the first 20 minutes, I had to admit defeat.

But Book 4 was actually pretty good. It had all the things that the first 3 books lacked, and all the things that are necessary for a good vampire story--action, violence, some ACTUAL romance instead of just Bella whingeing for a solid 200+ pages, good guys vs. bad guys... I wasn't crazy about the bits told from Jacob's POV, but I liked that book in general. I'm pretty sure the author could have condensed the 1st 3 books into one book, therefore making it a pretty decent two-book series. 

But my Large Problem with the Twilight series is the vampires themselves. 

You can't have invincible vampires. You can't have invincible ANYTHING if they're also main characters of the story. It completely violates all the laws of nature. (Trust me on this.) And vampires that sparkle?!?? ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?? They're VAMPIRES for feck's sake. They cannot go out in the sun because they will DIE, not because they will glitter. 

And you know because of the Twilight series, now no one can do vampire books or movies and still be taken seriously. There was a time when the good vampire story actually had some value. Now? 

No.

Now it gets compared to Twilight. 

Vampires used to be awesome, too. And we used to see a lot of vampires in movies, and in books. Dracula alone has spawned like 50+ movies. Vampire stories are among my favourites in the horror genre. I always dreamed of one day writing a good vampire book, and perhaps seeing it made into a film. Now that can never happen. 

So I think we should all have a few moments of quiet reflection to remember the vampires who have suffered because of Twilight. REAL vampires, who could not go out in daylight, who sometimes slept in coffins, who could fly or levitate, who were actually hot, and who were about 100 times more bad ass that Edward Cullen. 

We must never forget one of the original Great Vampire Movies:

Or the ridiculously awesome early vampire slayers:

There was the Stephen King-style homage to Nosferatu:

I even liked that anime vampire movie, and I'm not really that into anime:

And of course there were the Freaking Awesome Vampires:

Vampires, early 90's-style:

Super awesome vampires that actually EXPLODE in sunlight:

Possibly the most awesome vampires ever:

Cheesy, but still super fun vampires:

Super adorable vampires:

Super hot historically accurate vampires:

And let's not forget perhaps the most awesome, most classic vampire of all:

That movie was a work of art. 

Some of the new ones had promise, but they seem to get overlooked. Like Let Me In was AWESOME. And 30 Days of Night was pretty good, too. 

But no, you mention vampires and everyone is automatically like ooooooh Edward!!

>:(

Ok I'll shut up now. 

But bloody, violent, daylight-fearing vampires are still way more badass. 

A wizard is never late.

Anonymous, I'm flattered! Although to be honest, I'd rather be fighting in the war than having people starting the war over me. 

....and I don't think it's creepy unless you plan on physically stalking me out and attempting kidnap me, murder me, and/or leave my body in a cellar somewhere. That may end badly for you, because I am armed with knives at all times, and am only a few months away from renewing my gun permit. 

:D

I like my second amendment rights. <3

I also like antique firearms. 

I had a funny thought recently. It sort of relates to my own personal moral code--basically I believe that if you are in doubt about what to do in a particular situation, you should look to the animal kingdom for guidance. Are animals doing it? If they are, chances are it's ok for you to do it, too. The exceptions to this (aside from obvious things like NOT killing and eating children that are not yours) are generally behaviors of all the animals that we consider to be on the same intellectual level as humans. 

By that I mean that one should not look to house cats, most primates, or dolphins when seeking out moral and/or ethical advice. 

So an example of why this is a good Life Philosophy: worried about whether or not it's ok to be gay? Gayness is in fact found pretty often in animals. It's mother nature's way of making sure the population stays under control. (Of course we've effed that up with artificial insemination and the like, but we're pretty good at effing mother nature up the rear in general....). 

Another example (and my fav): eating meat. You don't have to eat meat. But you totally can eat meat without feeling morally bankrupt. Yeah I know a lot of these big farms raise their livestock under appalling conditions, but if that really bothers you, go local. There are plenty of smaller family-run companies and local farms that have humanely-raised cows and chickens and whatnot. Or go hunting and catch your own. As long as the animal I'm eating had a pretty comfortable non-caged life out in the field before it was slaughtered for my dinner, I'm totally ok with eating meat. Evolution gave me pointy teeth and you better believe I'm going to use them. 

 But of course there's another side to my it's-ok-if-animals-do-it philosophy, which is what led to the funny thought. Imagine if humans did some of the things that are kind of common in the animal kingdom. Like did them regularly, rather than just doing them after going insane, or turning into a wife beater or a serial killer sexual sadist; and all these were completely normal and socially acceptable. 

Like imagine if women killed their gentleman friends right after an evening of hot sex. 

(like many insects)

Or just went around killing people and animals for the hell of it.  

(like house cats, and foxes)

Or building epic houses at night, then tearing them down in the morning and building a new one the next night. 

(like orb weavers)

Imagine if your new boyfriend gave you an abortion because the kid wasn't his.

(wild horses do that)

Or if you shed all your skin at once, rather than just shedding microscopic flakes of it. 

(like snakes)

Personally, I think the world would be quite a bit more interesting.