Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A wizard is never late.

Anonymous, I'm flattered! Although to be honest, I'd rather be fighting in the war than having people starting the war over me. 
....and I don't think it's creepy unless you plan on physically stalking me out and attempting kidnap me, murder me, and/or leave my body in a cellar somewhere. That may end badly for you, because I am armed with knives at all times, and am only a few months away from renewing my gun permit. 

I like my second amendment rights. <3
I also like antique firearms. 

I had a funny thought recently. It sort of relates to my own personal moral code--basically I believe that if you are in doubt about what to do in a particular situation, you should look to the animal kingdom for guidance. Are animals doing it? If they are, chances are it's ok for you to do it, too. The exceptions to this (aside from obvious things like NOT killing and eating children that are not yours) are generally behaviors of all the animals that we consider to be on the same intellectual level as humans. 

By that I mean that one should not look to house cats, most primates, or dolphins when seeking out moral and/or ethical advice. 

So an example of why this is a good Life Philosophy: worried about whether or not it's ok to be gay? Gayness is in fact found pretty often in animals. It's mother nature's way of making sure the population stays under control. (Of course we've effed that up with artificial insemination and the like, but we're pretty good at effing mother nature up the rear in general....). 

Another example (and my fav): eating meat. You don't have to eat meat. But you totally can eat meat without feeling morally bankrupt. Yeah I know a lot of these big farms raise their livestock under appalling conditions, but if that really bothers you, go local. There are plenty of smaller family-run companies and local farms that have humanely-raised cows and chickens and whatnot. Or go hunting and catch your own. As long as the animal I'm eating had a pretty comfortable non-caged life out in the field before it was slaughtered for my dinner, I'm totally ok with eating meat. Evolution gave me pointy teeth and you better believe I'm going to use them. 

 But of course there's another side to my it's-ok-if-animals-do-it philosophy, which is what led to the funny thought. Imagine if humans did some of the things that are kind of common in the animal kingdom. Like did them regularly, rather than just doing them after going insane, or turning into a wife beater or a serial killer sexual sadist; and all these were completely normal and socially acceptable. 

Like imagine if women killed their gentleman friends right after an evening of hot sex. 

(like many insects)

Or just went around killing people and animals for the hell of it.  

(like house cats, and foxes)

Or building epic houses at night, then tearing them down in the morning and building a new one the next night. 

(like orb weavers)

Imagine if your new boyfriend gave you an abortion because the kid wasn't his.

(wild horses do that)

Or if you shed all your skin at once, rather than just shedding microscopic flakes of it. 

(like snakes)

Personally, I think the world would be quite a bit more interesting. 


  1. hehe http://www.cracked.com/article/18361_6-creepy-animal-behaviors-that-science-cant-explain/

  2. is it bad that i laughed at the idea of animals committing suicide? I found it disturbingly funny :/ mayhap I am a sociopath.... oh well i already knew i leaned that way, i suppose

  3. hahaha. I enjoy this so much. xx

  4. I find it interesting that the dolphin article makes no mention at all of dolphins attacking and sexually assaulting humans.

    Back when I was oh, 18 or 19, there was a cluster of incidents in a coastal city (I think in california, but tis been a while) where one guy got totally wrecked by a couple of adolescent male dolphins and one female swimmer got pinned to a pier, raped and drowned by dolphin.

    Afterwards, my friends an I referred to anything unbelieveable, appalling and terrifying as "dolphin rape."


    As you can see in this video...the dolphin CLEARLY knows where humans are hiding the tang.

    If anyone ever asks you if you want to swim with dolphins...the correct answer is FUCK NO.

  5. You have made my day whilst it is still night.
    Hope you are well xxx

  6. also....I lolled uncontrollably at the Wolverine clotheshanger abortion pic. WHY IS IT PLASTIC, LADY?! roflllll

  7. Hong Cho tastes like sparkling cider, only out of red fruits. I got pomegranate, but they had blackberry and something else, as well.

    That gif wasn't as well done as I would have liked, but I deliberately used 2 frames of one photo and only one frame of the other photo and a super slow speed in order to catch you off guard. You; specifically you. ;p

    The dolphins did not try to get at your cooter coz you're so bad ass, they didn't want to get shot trying to cop a cheap feel.

    Your comments always cheer me up. Always, Always, Always. So thank you for that. :D

  8. Also, I was tempted to illustrate that bit of text message nonsense with an MS Paint pic of B raping a bear. BUT I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE TOO HARD TO DRAW. hahahahahaha

  9. Just started biology of humans, and after that class today, your post was perfect to lighten the load :] funny stuff<3

  10. Or how about turning people into mindless zombies and forcing them to go around getting food for us and taking us out to bars where we can meet people and get pregnant? Like those zombie ant...things. :D

  11. Think about how great that would be if we could shed our skin. I went to a natural science museum that said my skin weighed 24 pounds; imagine that shedding 24pounds every year!


  12. I love your posts! It always makes me laugh or think :) <3

  13. That is an amazing thought! I wish I could live on my impulses like that. Of course if I did, I'd be alternating fat and thin with lots of scars and a volatile personal life, and probably like 3 ferrets too....



  14. You can always crack a smile out of me!! and for your last point, YOU make the world a hell-of-a-lot more interesting!! keep it up

  15. Dolphins are fucked up. Seriously fucked up. Every time someone buys me a dolphin calendar I shudder.

    That orb-weaver shit is like me on Minecraft, except it's usually a creeper blowing up my usual first-house dirt hovel, forcing me to rebuild in whatever comes to hand. (Wood and cobblestone. Yay!)



  16. This is so intriguing, yet true! What if, walking down the street, we stop to pee at random place or sniff everyone we encounter (like our canine friends). Or licked ourselves clean intead of talking a shower (cats). When getting in a fight, we keep running our heads together full force like antelopes? That would make for an awesome planet!

  17. i love this soooo much, Thank you, Mich for making my otherwise mundane, awful day so great! The pic's are marvelous as are the ideas...i love the idea of being able to shed my skin....what a wonder to be without scars!!!!!
    Just can't get over your amazing art! Such greatness!

    Love ya, Chickie!

  18. Antique firearms, eh? You should be bffs with my dad - we have enough guns and ammunition to arm a small militia!

    Thanks for the birthday wishes. I wish you could have been here to celebrate with me dear!

  19. youre post are always so entertaining... why did i ever stop reading them?! hope youre doing well. <3

  20. Haha! That made me laugh after a long day.

    2 years?! Come to think of it, I think yours was one of the first I started following too. How things have changed in 2 years huh?


  21. Ok, I found your blog earlier this year and have visited it every other week or so and never posted. Until today. Mich, this was absolutely hilarious! Thank you for your funny insights and best of all, your drawings. I hope you do a part two of 'What if humans copied the animal kingdom's unusual behaviors?'

  22. So loving the new Autumn layout! Antique firearms rock!


    I could totaly be a desert lemur, sitting in the sun all day!



  23. how i loved this (once more)
    i should tell you more often, you made my empty mornings so many times!!!!

  24. pahahaha!! you could make an article out of this concept and try and get it into a magazine! <3 x x x x x

    p.s. i love the new blog layout! and im glad to see the adorable little pony is still sitting there with her tea X)

  25. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who thinks of stuff like that. Glad to know I'm not alone. :)

    I've always thought it would be amazing if people got all puffy like cats when they got angry or felt threatened, and their hair stood on end.

  26. thx hun, but i am afraid the "doom generation" scenario was more in my head when i went to this absurd places...

    sry if i did not keep the title's promise


  27. aww thanks for the comment<3 youre such a sweetheart and since I think youre super-awesome its a huge comliment *blush*
    I love what kind of ideas you always have. Humans behaving like animals is somehow funny and awkward, even if I think the weatherbaloons are funnier :D

    Of course, as a vegetarian, I dont like the thoughts about eating meat, but its the choice of every individual so I wont comment on that much, just wanted to say I like how you say people should get their meat from small farms, because they really treat animals much better.

    hope everything is calming down a little for you, it makes me worried to read about self-destructive behavior.

  28. I actually imagined that cartoon blonde eating her date. And it made me laugh. Which was kinda sick.

    Fickle Cattle

  29. I can just see you in a dress straight out of Gone with the Wind holding an antique gun. .... Schmexy ;)

  30. You animations truly make me happy. And that gun is amazing. Deadwood made me rethink my cowboy fantasies though...


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.