Tuesday, October 22, 2013

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Continuing my quest to transfer my life from New Jersey to New York....

So Progressive wouldn't give me car insurance when I tried to get it last week because I could not furnish enough proof that I live in New York. If you don't have a NY drivers license, then they need either a W2, proof of homeowner's or renter's insurance, at least two utility bills, or a paystub. 

I could furnish none of these things--my W2 doesn't have the new address; I only pay for electricity, so I only get one utility bill; and I write my own paychecks at work, so they're not like official paychecks that show all the tax deductions, and therefore Progressive said that's not good enough.

I shall use the World's Most Accurate Rage Scale to describe my feelings from this point on:

Today I purchased renter's insurance. I called Progressive and sent them the declaration page, and said okay can y'all please give me insurance now because my current policy kind of ends in 3 days.

A summary of my conversation with Progressive this morning:

Mich: So you have the renter's insurance policy now with my New York address, can I get the car insurance now?

Progressive Salesman: Hmmmm... yeah I'm looking at it now and it looks like your renter's insurance isn't enough proof of address. We're going to need a W2, a paystub, or maybe you could send us two utility bills?

Mich: ...but your list of stuff said renter's insurance was good enough proof of address.

Progressive Salesman: Yes, well it looks like we'll still need a W2, a paystub, two utility bills, or a copy of your New York driver's license.

Mich: I don't have any of those. And don't even get me f*cking started on the driver's license.

Progressive Salesman: ...you don't have any utility bills? Or a W2?

Mich: I only pay for one utility and therefore only have ONE bill. And since, as I have already told you and your associates, I JUST MOVED, my W2 has my old address on it.

Progressive Salesman: Okay then... Well I'll tell you what we can do. We'll sign you up for auto insurance using your New Jersey address, and then you can transfer it to New York as soon as you have the proof of address.

Mich: Ummmm.... okay, that works I guess. Sign me up for New Jersey insurance. 'Cause I kind of need car insurance like now.

Progressive Salesman: ...Oh I'm sorry, I just spoke to my supervisor and it looks like we can't sign you up for New Jersey insurance because you live in New York.

Mich: ....................what.

Progressive Salesman: Sorry ma'am*, but we can't give you New Jersey auto insurance because you live in New York. 

Mich: ...So you can't give me New York car insurance because I can't prove that I live in New York, and you can't give me New Jersey car insurance because I live in New York. 

Progressive Salesman: I'm sorry, ma'am.

Mich: You do realize how ridiculous that is. 

Progressive Salesman: Sorry ma'am. 

Mich: *facedesk*

Progressive Salesman: What I would do, ma'am, is go to another company like Allstate or Farmers and sign up for an auto insurance policy with them under your New Jersey address. And then switch to New York once you have proof of your new address.

Mich: So what you're telling me is that in order to obtain car insurance, I should commit insurance fraud. 

Progressive Salesman: I'm sorry ma'am. 

Mich: . . .

Progressive Salesman: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand so now I have just lied to my old insurance salesman and told him I moved back to New Jersey. 

To top it all off, the stress has been giving me near-constant headaches, which has forced me to actually wear my glasses. >:(

look how smart I am


*Can I just say that I really really really really really really really really really frigging hate being called "ma'am."


  1. You look adorable in your glasses. WOW that is one enormous mountain of bullshit. What the fuck they erased you?!? How does that even happen? you should definitely stop paying your taxes.

  2. Life hundreds of years ago was so much easier. Except for the plague.
    Bet THEY couldn't get insurance, either.

  3. This would be really, really funny if I thought it wasn't really true...ok it is still really, really funny to me but...

    Love your scale of rage!

  4. OMG, this is crazy! But you look adorable in your glasses so that's really all that matters.

  5. HOLY CRAP you look smokin in glasses! I don't think it's fraud since the world (at least, the part that acknowledges your existence) still believes you live in NJ. You just need to set the record straight as soon as the ID crap is sorted out.

  6. Sorry to hear that ma'am!

    *waits for rage meter to explode*

    It sounds like you're in a catch-22 situation. Have you considered homocide?

    1. That was meant to be homicide, not homocide. I'm not advocating hate crimes here, just general crimes. Killing should be performed without prejudice.

    2. Equal opportunity murder, yes!

  7. Your use of that chart made me keep laughing Mich, I just couldn't stop for a while haha! You look amazing with those glasses on though although you always do, never underestimate just how beautiful you are Mich!

  8. Mitch, I know this must have been SO frustrating for you, but the way your wrote it was HILARIOUS!

    OMG...if I had to hear him say "Sorry ma'am" one more time, I would have EXPLODED.

    Okay, and the Rage Scale graphic you created is absolutely BRILLIANT! Love the "I will cut you."


    Great post, Mitch! And what a pretty lady you are!


  9. I might just borrow your Scale.

    I hate being called "Ma'am," too.
    But it's better than when the get too familiar and use my first name.
    That brings the Scale into play.
    And they haven't a clue.

  10. ok i will read bc you are Mich and Mich is cute
    ....that title. Christ.
    rage scale. oh my God, Mich you are perf. the first one though omg. i usually fall in between the highest point and can you seriously not because we all know that people are infuriating :)
    i dont get insurance things because i am a cute 18 year old thing that doesn't have a licence or does anything super grown--up-y yet. hell i still ride in the back seat yes
    forgot the glasses. your boobage has a force so large and astounding that it's worth gawking at ok

    ~Sam Lupin

  11. I must say "Miss" you do look very, very, very pretty in your glasses....I love your Scale of Rage........and F*CK the system!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That's for both of us!)

  12. I guess you can be glad he didn't call you little girl or Miss.

  13. Wow. So you were basically forced to commit fraud? Wtf system is fail. Makes me wish I could record such conversations to use later if some asshole tries to take me to court. Yikes.
    Squeee you are so pretty in your glasses!
    Love the rage scale too.

  14. I completely understand your rage. I'm surprised that they didn't ask you what your favorite food is, if you're a Beatles girl or an Elvis girl, and a blood sample. "Thank you, ma'am." *sorry, had to rub that in ;-)

  15. *chuckling* Some human beings are exceptionally entertaining and horribly limited in their ability to use the brains they were given. Do you suppose that fella thought he was actually being smart when he was giving you tips on how to be fraudulent? LOL I'm betting there's a conversation taped for 'quality control purposes' that he's gonna wish wasn't!

  16. Logic doesn't apply to insurance. Or call centers. Meanwhile, I've said that I own my parents' house for years (since being a homeowner somehow makes you a safer driver) and have never been required in any way to prove that. God bless the system.

  17. Haha insurance is the absolute worst. Ps your glasses look great.

  18. "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

    You showed a lot of self-control in not answering that question. I would have said "Yeah, you can visit my car and suck its exhaust pipe."

  19. Wooooooooow, that's crazy! I don't think anyone would blame you if you had flipped out on here!
    I love your glasses though!

  20. Damn. Seriously, damn! I don't get it. And hoooooooooow annnnnnnnnnoyyyyyyying! I would have done more than deskplant hahaha. I remember the last time I was in the US trying to hire a car, they wouldn't let me hire one, firstly because I was not an American citizen (obviously dumbass) and then secondly I needed to provide utility bills with my name on... I'm on vacation... Made no sense and I spent the day looking for rental places that would lend to me LOL. Maybe we had the same individual?


  21. Awesome. And I mean that in the sense of, you know, not good.
    I seem to recall having a similar sort of conversation with an insurance company once upon a time when they wanted a "photo" of the car I was about to insure. Apparently a VIN and my money wasn't enough. Oh, and I was already a customer.
    I said they needed to send me a P.O. number, so I could charge them the appropriate amount for my services as a photographer. (I had been known to charge folks for the odd photo now and again, and this was back in the age of film after all, so I wasn't fucking spending a dime of my own)
    They decided to let it slide. I seem to recall dropping those f**ckers not long after that.
    There's heaps of insurance companies out there. Tell them bastards to go pound sand. And I'm being nice.
    Good luck with all that.

  22. Oh, and you look cute in your glasses, btw.

  23. Progressive game me a ridiculous quote (it was almost $5000 a year, ha!)! So I went with Plymouth Rock instead for a fraction of the cost. They've been awesome so far. Some a**hole rear ended my beautiful new-ish car in the parking lot at work then fled without leaving a note and plymouth rock were just outstanding and I was really glad I didn't go with a big internet company like progressive or geico (who apparently will hire lawyers against their own clients. Look into the smaller companies that only do business in New York State (or regional NY/NJ/CT/MA).

  24. Also, the glasses look is very very good on you!

  25. What a nightmare!! You do look super-smart though. I want a tshirt with that scale on so I can point to it instead of talking to other people x

  26. Omg you look like you could walk into the Postgrad Lounge and pwn everyone there.

    Just. . . holy fuck. I'm so proud of you for not killing anyone. The entire situation is FUBAR.



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