Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I spin with the world, but it is no help to me

Yeah so I'm still here. I guess.

Depression is a strange thing. Especially this longterm-bullshit-depression. it has been A YEAR  since this started. Really Really AAAARGGGHH Bad Days are getting more frequent after they had petered out somewhat back in mid-winter. General Bad Days are common--probably about every other day. Meh days and Really Bad Days make up the rest, probably in even amounts. 

This can be better explained with a chart:

So yeah that's why I've been absent from here for like a month. Depression is a full time job. (or at least, fighting it is.)

Since I have nothing else to offer you people, I thought maybe I'd share one of the book projects I'm currently slaving away on (middle grade, NON fantasy, and according to some beta readers, hilarious at times). Because there are footnotes of the narrator's snide remarks, I made it into a pdf so 'tis easier to read. You may sample it here

...also let me know if that link doesn't work. 

I'm sorry, my friends. I'll try to get round to all of your blogs, but I'm not making any lofty promises. I still read most of your posts, I just never know what to say. :/

Hope y'all are faring better than I am. 

14 comments:

  1. I'm mainly sorry (and sad) to hear that you've been fighting this depression for so long Mich and that it's hitting you so hard. Don't feel bad about the blog thing to be honest, comments don't matter, just focus on getting better. I'm in a similar situation, the worst thing is the day where it hits you, that lowest day and you just want the world to burn down and end is terrible, I've felt it so many times myself and know how it feels, feels like the lowest of the low... Get well soon, I'm here if you need somebody to talk to as well for what it's worth.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I enjoyed the read, and wanted more when I got to the end. You're a really good writer, Mich. feel better soon, love, if at all possible. xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's ok, hon. Thanks for dropping a line so lazy non-facebookers like me know you're around. I still pimp your books out ^_^
    *hugs* <3 <3 <3
    I'll have to get on computer to read the pdf

    ReplyDelete
  4. DUUUUUUDE that book you're working on is fucking AWESOME I was pissing my pants laughing, WHERE IS THE REST?!?!

    I hope you can pull through this depression. You've been in for the long hall long enough, you deserve a break. Your chart is excellent, I'm hanging it up in my office.

    On the bad days, REMEMBER HOW MANY OF US ON HERE LOVE YOU TO PIECES

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ****long HAUL

      I should really not leave comments after drinking

      Delete
  5. Did you see this hyperbole & a half post yet? All about depression...very accurate and hilarious at the same time.

    Don't worry about reading our stupid blogs...we won't explode and melt into flames if you ignore our rantings in order to take care of yourself more.

    xxxoooxxxooxxx

    p.s. I will always text you the lolz and never the grrrrz.

    ReplyDelete
  6. fuck.
    depression.
    its all a mass of being pissed off at people, and then pissed off at yourself and haitng yourself and then hating people and its just so fucking confusing and horrible and ugh
    i hope you feel better soon. yes. omg. the describtions you made are just soooooooooooo relevant. i know how you feel love, and fuck, does it suck. for me, especially the whole 'can't retain any pleasure' crap that comes with it. fucking hell.
    people are shitty too because THEY DON'T FUCKING GET IT. they don't. its just ugh.
    -Sam Lupin

    ReplyDelete
  7. I really hope you're able to- no, that's not right... I hope your depression fracks off soon and you start having many many more good days as opposed to suckish meh and bad days. Depressions is never a good thing and it certainly isn't pleasant to deal with on a continuous basis (so I've heard). My charts are usually relate to how happy/ social I'm feeling.

    Good days = I'm talking to people and making friends. (These are rare, usually brought on my an increased caffeine intake)
    Meh/Bad days = I'm in my room most of the time and will only come out if I have too. (These are common)
    Really Really AAARGH Bad Days: Don't talk to me if you want to live. (Fortunately these are rare)

    Take care and I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week ♥

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh fucking hell, it sounds exactly like you've moved in down the road from me in Depression Hell.

    Fighting it is indeed a fulltime job. You put yourself and your sanity ahead of blogger, ok?

    My blog is basically just more of the crap you've been living with. Don't subject yourself to it, ok?

    Take care of yourself, ok Mich? I'm going to put together a wee box for you over the next few weeks with more yummy hand cream and wrack my brain for other shit to add to it.

    Arohanui and air-hugs to you <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't think I can say anything, and I'm not sure anything said will help, but I want to let you know I am lurking down this internet tunnel, hoping that...well. That the depression will lift. I hate what depression does, so please know that my full entire heart wishes it would leave you alone. If there is anything I can ever do, please let me know, ok? I mean that. You've given me so, so much :)

    Oh, and before I sneak back into silence, my mum read book two and pretty much ignored the world until she'd finished. She thinks you're a grand writer, and bloomin' loves your work (and not just because you let me draw stuff :P). I hope that can put a momentary pin-prick in the fog.

    much love to you, mi'lady. and take care of you, ok? x x

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh, dear Mich, i am exactly where you are...the BAD days are the most common...and i am living with my MOM/...vodka is a nightly afair...i am sooooo very sorry how bad things are going for you.....i love you and send my best wishes to you to feel so much better soon....but i know how it is......"hang on help is on the way"....Ha, thats what i tell myself....Love you tons! tracy

    ReplyDelete
  11. It is a fulltime thing, I really wish you could find some proper help with fighting it. If I'm correct, the last few people you went to were nutcases.

    Are you familiar with Hyperbole and a Half? The author over there recently overcame depression and wrote about it. Maybe it might help in some way.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I have found that alcoholic beverages can turn a bad day into a good day.
    As far as I know.
    And that's good enough for me.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't really say I am feeling all that much better than you.... But at least I feel like I'm in good company.

    ReplyDelete

We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.