Thursday, April 28, 2016

to everything there is a season

Y'all are amazing. Really truly. 

I'm not going to shoot myself, I promise. If I did, my mother would throw my cats into the first kill-shleter she could find, and I cannot live (or die) knowing that would happen to Harleyquinn and Poison Ivy. They're my babies and I live for them. 

Stepmom is coming with me on Sunday to check out the apartment again. She's one of the fussiest people I know when it comes to living spaces, so I figure I will get the most critical unbiased opinion from her. Despite many issues I have had with Stepmom in the past, she has been one of my biggest sources of support in recent months, so I trust her opinion. 

The commute time from this apartment to work does not bother me in the slightest. Driving is one of my favourite things ever. And I did the hour+ commute for a year when I lived in the last apartment. It never bothered me. On the contrary, I actually enjoyed the long drive. It's a scenic drive, and I get at least two hours a day to blast my music. 

I can keep up a search for a job nearer the apartment and if I find a good one, I'll take it. To be honest, I'd rather drive an hour+ both ways to my job than continue living in Bergen County. I'd rather live closer to my closest family and friends than live closer to my job. 

I just worry about making the wrong decision. My life has been one wrong decision after another. I don't want to add to the pile. 

So for now I'm just trying to breathe. To not sink into despair. 

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven. 


  1. I never know what the right decision is. I guess it could always have been worse.

    1. I love you Mich! And I love your words and I love these pictures! Try to stay strong, I know it's hard <4

  2. Bullshit. You can will your kitties to me. I told you, Xander likes Simple Cats.

  3. I was thinking of holding on to baby cthulu for a few weeks to see if your address changes, but if you need a STAT shipment and some donuts, that can be arranged too.

  4. It's good to have a fussy person come with you to view the apartment. She may see things that you've missed. May all go well, and don't forget to breathe! x

  5. As long as you carefully consider your options and don't rush into anything, it will be the right decision. Or it won't. But that's just part of life. Don't succumb to "paralysis through analysis," or you'll never get out of neutral.

    Bringing in Stepmom for a second opinion is a great idea. It's always good to get out of the echo chamber of one's own head.

  6. I know it's probably not a fiddle but I'd be remiss if I didn't say "The cat and the fiddle". It's good you've got someone who can help you out when buying an apartment. If she likes it, and there's no problem with the commute time, then I think it'd be worth going for.

  7. Yay!
    So happy you are not going to do anything rash
    We love you and need you
    Blogger would just not be the same without you x

  8. I love that you stopped. Processed. Sought some clarity and found it. Created a new plan (having the Stepmom check out the apartment). And generally feel more positive about Everything. It's amazing how our attitudes affect our LIVES. Seriously. I've approached the same situation coming from both places, and positive is definitely better.

    Plus, I love that you took some time to think about the ramifications of all the aspects. In doing so, you know what you can live without, what you can't, and what you want. Those are the tools you need to make a good decision for yourself.

    Plus, it all changes when we take hurting ourselves (or killing ourselves) off the table. That simply can't be an option. ::I'm so relieved that you've done this::

    Continuing to pray for you. This will work out for the best!!!

  9. Damnit, the internet goblins ate my comment!

    To sum it up, I do think that waiting for the right apt is a good thing. I did not pick the first one I was offered, for which I am glad of now, even if it meant having to stay at my parents' a couple of months longer.

  10. Before my comment, I needed more coffee. As the Keurig was slow, I had to stop and get a paperclip and clean out the sharp thingy and clean it. Then I had to go out to my car and get something. By the time I got back, I nearly forgot what I wanted to goes the life of the chronically sidetracked, ha ha.
    If that commute doesn't bother you, go for it. I can't do the long commute because of the issue above...I would be late every day because when I get up to get ready for work, there is no room for error. If I can't find my car keys and it takes me 5 minutes to figure out where I left them, I'm late. But having the rolling green hills nearby sounds lovely.

  11. I know the feeling. I hate my job right now; I just took a job, any job here to start saving to move the heck out of here. Next month I'll start applying for jobs out of here in a new location outside of Pennsylvania. I'm a bit scared... some family members' reactions to it. It's really bugging me.

    Good luck!

  12. I hope all goes well with the apt or that you find a better one soon. Glad you have someone to go with. I always like a second opinion/voice of reason. If the drive doesn't bother you, maybe it is/could be a good place.

  13. Hey, I hope you're doing better and things go well regarding the apartment <3 take life slowly.


  14. Having an unbiased second opinion definitely helps. Whatever she/you decide, I hope it all turns out well. As for the driving, I know exactly what you mean. I've had jobs where I had to drive 45 minutes on fairly quiet, scenic roads, and I've had jobs where I only had to drive 20 minutes but it was in rush hour traffic. Yeah, guess which one was more likely to make me pull my hair out. Driving isn't stressful. Traffic is.

  15. I used to live 5 minutes from my job. Two weeks ago, we moved further out and so now I'm leaving the house when I used to be just getting up from my alarm. I hate it! I just need to get used to my new routine .
    Good luck on the apartment search


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