Y'all are amazing. Really truly.
I'm not going to shoot myself, I promise. If I did, my mother would throw my cats into the first kill-shleter she could find, and I cannot live (or die) knowing that would happen to Harleyquinn and Poison Ivy. They're my babies and I live for them.
Stepmom is coming with me on Sunday to check out the apartment again. She's one of the fussiest people I know when it comes to living spaces, so I figure I will get the most critical unbiased opinion from her. Despite many issues I have had with Stepmom in the past, she has been one of my biggest sources of support in recent months, so I trust her opinion.
The commute time from this apartment to work does not bother me in the slightest. Driving is one of my favourite things ever. And I did the hour+ commute for a year when I lived in the last apartment. It never bothered me. On the contrary, I actually enjoyed the long drive. It's a scenic drive, and I get at least two hours a day to blast my music.
I can keep up a search for a job nearer the apartment and if I find a good one, I'll take it. To be honest, I'd rather drive an hour+ both ways to my job than continue living in Bergen County. I'd rather live closer to my closest family and friends than live closer to my job.
I just worry about making the wrong decision. My life has been one wrong decision after another. I don't want to add to the pile.
So for now I'm just trying to breathe. To not sink into despair.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven.