Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Reasons I'll Never be an Adult


I'm stealing from Hyperbole and Half because honestly I think this applies to almost everyone.

Remember when you were little and you were certain that adults had all the answers, that they always knew what they were doing, and that one glorious day, you too would be gifted with the same Adultness and everything would be perfect? When things got scary or upsetting, I remember I would console myself by thinking that when I became an Adult, things like dentist appointments and having a job wouldn't be scary or difficult. Because Adults don't get scared of root canals or job responsibilities.

It occurred to me around the age of 25 or 26 that I still had not morphed into that mythical Adult. And I never will. Because I still exhibit the same behaviours that frequently got me told off as a child.

Thing like

Dawdling.
I'm pretty sure the only reason Bossman doesn't fire me is because I do the work of 3 people faster than 3 people could actually do it and I can type over 100 words a minute.

I am late to work almost every single day. Not hugely late; usually like 5 minutes or less (I consider that an offense worthy of firing because I am slightly insane and my version of work ethic is more like severe OCD.) Even when I get up early, I'm late. Why? Because I dawdle.

I get distracted by the cats being cute. I get distracted by which earrings I could wear. A good song on my itunes playlist. A good song I can play along with on my bass. A fun bird outside my door. The other cat being cute. What sweater to wear. Which art supplies to bring to work. Oh hey I want to colour right now.

I could wake up 3 hours before I have to be at work. I will still arrive late.


Getting distracted by pets when I should be trying to act like an adult.
We had a church leaders meeting a few weeks ago at a friend's house. While everyone else sat around discussing important stuff, I spent the meeting following Mike's cat around his house and trying to be its friend.


Spending enormous amounts of time and money on utter nonsense.
At any given time, I am on a mission. It might be to acquire a house plant, set a fire in the shape of a bird, obsessively hunt down rare My Little Ponies, stalk David Eugene Edwards, teach birds to imitate R2D2.... you get the idea.

I am currently on a mission to make friends with a crow. Why? Because some girl on the internet did and the crow started bringing her presents.

I just want a crow to hang out with me all the time so I can be cool like Odin.



Fidgeting.
Remember when you were little and your parents smacked you because you couldn't stop fidgeting during Sunday mass? The best thing about being in the church band is that we sneak out the back after the music is done, and no one will notice if I never go back in for the sermon. Our pastor tends to ramble on forever and constantly loses focus and goes off on tangents and rambles on some more and I just can't.


I am a fidgeter. I have been fidgeting since the day I was able to hold up my own head without parental assistance. Only three things can keep me still for more than 30 seconds--eating, reading a good book, and sleeping pills. .........Actually no, that is a lie. I fidget my feet when eating. I fidget my hands and feet while reading. And whilst sleeping I toss and turn like a freaking rotisserie chicken.

I'm fidgeting right now, as I sit at my desk. I spend a good chunk of the workday more or less running in place because I just can't bloody sit still.




In other news.......


He is single. BUT he is also recently divorced. So idk

15 comments:

  1. I love this! I love all of this! Especially the church meeting story...and the Crow story picture and the hopping little creature and well. you get the idea! My feet figet all night along with the rest of me....I call it "Romneying"...you know, because he flip flops about everything. Much love to you!

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  2. I highly endorse bird games.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qG2dmi2aqw

    http://thestormiswithin.tumblr.com/post/123247694624/vondellswain-okay-uhh-im-going-to-do-my-best#notes

    If I'm being honest, tramadol helps create a small Nothing Box for a few hours :/ I'm not even sure if it's helped that much with pain, it's just after I've taken it I forget to care enough to notice whether I'm in pain. When I run out I shall not be asking for more.

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  3. Outside of spending money on pointless things that sounds a lot like me. And every adult. It's kind of sad when you wake up and realise that actually adults don't have all the answers. When I talk to kids though I find myself realising I have all the answers to the questions THEY have. So we do know everything we wanted to know as kids, just not everything we need to know as adults.

    That he is recently divorced is only really important depending on why he divorced. Though I will admit he likely has a lot of emotional baggage at the minute. Just keep hanging out with him for now and see where things go.

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  4. I don't know why being a little late every day is such a big deal to some people. I suffered the same problem with much the same reasons (not the ear rings). I also tend to fidget a lot. I blame it on a mild case of Tourette's.

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  5. Recently divorced? Not a show-stopper, if you ask me.
    I met Mrs. Penwasser II when I was freshly separated (soon to be divorced). That was almost 31 years ago.
    Occasionally, she will opine that I was married to Mrs. Penwasser I (aka "Bug-Eyed Ugly Woman") for only four years. Then, she'll ask (I suspect sarcastically) how she could get so lucky.
    I then tell her, "Let the buyer beware."

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  6. I wish all cats would be my friend, esp. those I feed. I'm married to someone who is divorced. Whatever his problems are, they were there before his first marriage & continue to be there now, but he's a good egg.

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  7. There are a lot of pastors that could use "Getting to the Point for Dummies." I finally got to the point that if I can just get to the point that speaks to me, I'll contentedly muse on it instead of catching the rest. God knows what He wanted me to hear.

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  8. "Getting distracted by pets when I should be trying to act like an adult.
    We had a church leaders meeting a few weeks ago at a friend's house. While everyone else sat around discussing important stuff, I spent the meeting following Mike's cat around his house and trying to be its friend."

    That would be me.


    And I read about that girl and her crow friend. Crows are awesome.

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  9. I spent Christmas Eve following two dogs around my sister's house because I wanted to be their friend. My mum finally told me to sit down and eat. Even the nephews behaved better.

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  10. "Remember when you were little and you were certain that adults had all the answers, that they always knew what they were doing, and that one glorious day, you too would be gifted with the same Adultness and everything would be perfect?" i still feel this way. i wonder one day in my late 20's, i'll wake up, throw out my frozen pizzas, eat salads, and act like a fully functioning adult instead of staring at the ceiling and scratching my bellybutton all throughout the day.

    i must confess i had to look up the definition of dwadling.

    you're Irish, aren't you? if so, then i understand the 5 minutes or less late thing. here, the whole of the country has a reputation for being late by 20-30 minutes to ANYTHING. it's kind of funny.

    i think you are adorable.

    "We had a church leaders meeting a few weeks ago at a friend's house. While everyone else sat around discussing important stuff, I spent the meeting following Mike's cat around his house and trying to be its friend." this is the sign of a great human being.

    when you said crow, i didn't think Odin. i thought Jon Snow.

    "And whilst sleeping I toss and turn like a freaking rotisserie chicken." i want to see this fabled rotisserie chicken that tosses and turns.

    who is single? who is divorced? Mich, what aren't you telling me?




    -Sam Lupin

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  11. comment reply:

    YES. I'M BACK. more importantly, Percy raised his eyebrows at the realisation that Mich noticed that Percy exists.

    "Percy should tell his father to keep his negative thoughts to him self or else Percy will auscultate him straight into next week."

    you have no idea how much i've laughed at this. i don't even know why i laughed so much at this.

    Lecturer3 and Lecturer2 are so harmless it's kind of funny.

    "I feel like horrible handwriting is required for all doctors." it's funny how the profession that needs clear and concise handwriting doesn't have any. 0_o

    "Everyone loves potatoes." Percy just finished eating a potato. cannibalism.




    -Sam Lupin

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  12. Squeeeee at the crows story! Now I want to be friends with crows! Yea I'm no adult either. Turns out there's a popular youtuber who made a song "I hate being a grown up" I pull up to laugh.
    Maybe kept the guy around as a potential ;)

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    Replies
    1. Found the video...it's hilarious,,,,too bad she's like less than half my age! Anyhow, thanks!

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  13. Funny, I never thought of adults as having all the answers.....what I envied was the ability to do what they wanted to do when they wanted to do it ~ and I do have that. Otherwise, being a grown up is really over-rated.

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