Friday, June 28, 2013

FECKIN GREEEEEEEEKS!!! They invented gayness!!

I wasn't going to talk about this because it's a *sensitive* subject for many, but I feel the need to bitch and moan.

The gay marriage issue. I try not to think about the whole thing in general because it just makes me wild with impatient rage like AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH ARE ALL OF YOU BIGOTS RETARDED


...yeah I mean I really don't get what the big deal is with gay people being legally allowed to get married. Whatever your beliefs--whether you are a huge gay rights supporter, a huge anti-gay activist, or you don't give a shit either way--WHY THE FUCK does it matter if the government passes a law that allows them to get married?!

The religious arguments against gay marriage have got more holes in them than the 25 year old towels hanging out in the bottom of my linen closet.

People LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to quote Leviticus (Chapter 18 in particular) on this. Man shall not lie down with man as with a woman or whatever. Every time I read Leviticus 18 , it sounds more and more like a Manual On Reproducing For Those New Things Called Humans. Like for real. Read it. It's the moron's guide to going forth and multiplying: screwing close relatives will lead to not-so-awesome offspring, screwing your cousin's uncle's grandfather's great-niece's dad's sister's daughter will possibly get you killed by that chick's husband, and screwing someone of the same sex will not make a baby.

Am I interpreting that wrong? Maybe. But the Bible is thousands of years old, and whatever God said, we must remember that men will be men and they are the ones who actually wrote it all down, never mind the fact that the whole thing has been translated like 100000000000000000 times. I believe very strongly in the meaning behind what the Bible says, I just take each chapter with a grain of salt.

Oh and just for fun, you know what it also says in Leviticus?
- It is a sin to touch bad meat.
- God really likes animal sacrifices. (Is there some particular reason we no longer do that?)
(- Seriously, like the first ten chapters of Leviticus go into graphic detail on how to properly slaughter and disembowel and sacrifice an animal to God)
- It is a sin to eat camels and rabbits and pigs. And not just a sin, but an ABOMINATION to eat anything that lives in the sea but does not have scales or fins.
- If a woman is raped, it's her fault.
- Shaving your head and getting tattoos is a sin.
- Marrying a non-virgin is a sin.

I could go on an on.

Why is it that some of these things are totally ok now, but some aren't? If your argument is that "times have changed," then why the hell doesn't that apply to homosexuality?

The other big argument is what Jesus says about marriage being scared between a man and a woman. If you read that part of the gospels very carefully, you might notice that in pretty much the same breath, Jesus is also condemning divorce.

...How long has divorce been legal now? I'm sorry, but if you're using that as your argument against gay marriage, then we absolutely cannot have divorce being legal, or the entire argument crumbles under a great heaping pile of hypocrisy.

Honestly I think Jesus was trying to drive home his basic teachings about loving one another by saying that not cheating on your spouse is kind of an important part of a marriage.

But me ranting and raving is not going to change someone's beliefs. And I think you should be able to believe whatever you want. That's the whole point of freedom of religion.

Which brings me to what pisses me off the most about this whole debate.

This country was founded on the idea of the separation of church and state. In a country of religious freedom, with as many diverse religions as we have, I think this is extremely important. The law should have nothing to do with one specific religion.

I'll repeat that, because some people(::ahemcoughcoughDADcough::) just can't quite grasp it.


Is gay marriage going to completely destroy morality in this country?

NO FUCKTARDS, it's not.

If the Playboy channel, the Kardashians, Ke$ha, Barney the dinosaur, George W. Bush, Teen Mom II, Paris Hilton, and every other piece of trash this country has produced over the centuries haven't destroyed us yet, somehow I really don't think gay marriage will be the thing that makes God rain fire down on us.

Think about it. There are things FAR FAR WORSE than gay marriage happening in this country every single fucking day. That's one of the reasons I don't get why people are getting so bent out of shape about it. If you want something righteous and worthwhile to protest, what about the fact that child molesters and rapists generally serve way less prison time than people who commit insurance fraud? What about the fact that all these banks (like Bank of America) are BLATANTLY screwing poor people out of even more of their money, and out of their homes?

What about the DEATH PENALTY, for feck's sake? Or the foreign wars that we have no business being involved in? Not killing is in the COMMANDMENTS. You'd think people who claim to be insanely zealous about God and Jesus might care more about senseless killing than about gay people getting happily married. (Oh and since we were on the subject of Leviticus, it says multiple times in that book that the people committing all sorts of *wrong* acts should "surely be put to death." Which is in direct contradiction to the Bible's previous chapters. Just sayin.)

If you actually read the gospels, I think Jesus's message is pretty clear. He says it over and over and over and over in many many different ways. Love one another.

A law that encourages discrimination against a particular group does not further Jesus's teachings. It does the opposite. Discrimination promotes hate.

We're supposed to be a free country, as far as religion. But when you start using one religion to create laws, it really isn't a very big leap to using those same laws to justify burning people at the stake for religious heresy.

So if we're condemning gay couples and refusing to allow them to marry, we may as well start calling all divorcees heretics and burn them as well. And then we can admit that this country cares more about stopping people we don't even know from being happy than it does about preventing school shootings and teen suicides.

...I don't think we are like that. Not the majority of us. We are good people, and we care about each other. And now hopefully lots of those good people will be able to get married.

Just don't expect me at all your weddings because I absolutely hate weddings. Sorry. I just do.

(Also I have nothing against the Greeks. That's a Father Ted quote):



    I don't feel so alone now in my hate of weddings.

    that was such a good Father Ted episode. xD

  2. Gotta take off on a trip but suffice to say, I agree with you 100%!

  3. Also they should teach your interpretation of Leviticus in schools because that's the funniest thing I've ever heard and IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

  4. AUGH I had a comment mostly typed up then my computer spazzed and your page reloaded without it.

    I've been restructuring my religious views lately... Maybe I'll drop you a link when it's done - I don't want to get too lengthy here and hijack your post.

    Did you ever notice the only time Jesus got really pissed off was when religious leaders were ripping people off? Jesus the Son of God as depicted in the Bible spent his time loving those that society marginalized. He saved his anger for the hypocrisy of those in his own religion.

    "God is love." That sums up the core of my current religious beliefs. To love is to know God, and to hate is to be ungodly.

    *Also, random thought, I think if you're taking the Bible literally, it's still ok to be a lesbian (it just says a man shouldn't lie with a man). I think that's hilarious.

    1. Clearly, we should take Pogo's comment a step further, and the two of us can write a textbook on the correct interpretation of the *Rules* in the Bible.

    2. and by IT I mean "write a textbook on the correct interpretation of the *Rules* in the Bible"

  5. I agree with you here Mich, the whole thing is bigoted on a wide scale and ridiculously old and over drawn out. I almost wish that they'd hurry up and process it just so I can stop hearing about it, it shouldn't be an issue in this day and age. Saying that I don't know why anybody would want to get married! To me it's like a death sentence!

  6. Honestly, I do wish these closed minded arseholes would just get a clue already! Bigots are such oxygen thieves! I'm with you, I also HATE weddings! I prefer funerals, people are more honest at funerals. Amazing what a truth serum the fear of god is, innit?! Hehehe!

    I know the bible hold much comfort for some, but personally, I never saw much good in it. However, you can roll a pretty amazing J with the paper! ;)

    1. Lol I was always convinced that's why there are so many extra blank pages at the end of every bible....

  7. Why arent there more Christians like you?

  8. Not all Americans are like that which is why the laws are passing. These people who refuse to get with the times will eventually die and then the world will move on. Just don't encourage the feckers or pay attention and let them die.

  9. One of many reasons why i love you.
    yea this intepretation makes sense. "How to Reproduce For Dummies" would explain why there is NO law against lesbianism in Leviticus.. but there's plenty against a woman "presenting herself" to a male animal.
    I'm also thinking back then they didn't know women also contributed to the child's genetic makeup. it's like they thought the "male seed" was the entire baby, just really really tiny, and the woman was just the nourishing dirt. Thus a woman was "barren" like land.
    I'm so glad I didn't live back then.

    You so rock. Is it wrong that when some fundie is harassing me, I amuse myself by imagining you taking the fundie to task?

  10. I love you so much little lady! You still rock. And I have missed the fuck outta you ♥


  11. A big, giant "AMEN", Mich!!!! Wish i had something intellegent or funny to add, but, alas...

    This post was excellent....beyond excellent, you could give any Bible Thumper a run for their money and win big time!

  12. The bible is an iron-age collection of the most popular books that were around at the time. (Yeah, I've done some study into how it was put together but I always get bogged down at the 'begats' when I try to read it >.< Worse than the first 2 chapters of the Silmarilion!)

    If ANYONE says to me that they base their morality on the bible (or any really old religious text they have not read/do not read in the original context) I either laugh myself silly or RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS before they bring out the bags of stones.

    Hypocrisy really gets on my tits, which is one reason why I'm not religious. I also cannot bring myself to understand how blind faith is considered in any way to be a virtue. "I was just following orders" is no longer a valid excuse for carrying out war crimes, so HOW does it still stand as one for religious violence? I just don't understand.

    Take care of yourself up there, remember you have my couch and my spare blankets and full access to my good coffee if you need a holiday <3

  13. This post was a little bit awesome. I'm raising my (currently imaginary) pint glass to you.

    Honestly? I just can't quite fathom why there is such an issue with gay marriage. It baffles me, it really does, how people can be against two people who just want to commit to each other. I think I've spent the majority of my time being around people who are open minded, so it always kind of shocks me when I come across people who are actually disgusted by (for example) homosexuality. I remember being really little (before starting school) and asking my mum if I could marry a woman when I grew up, and if men could marry men. I can't remember what her answer was, but it definitely wasn't "No! No you cannot!" She probably told me men did fall in love with men, and women women, and that's all ok. I was probably too little for her to go into marriage laws at the time..

    I have to confess I've never read the bible. It's kind of on my list of things to do...just out of curiosity really. So you know, if you could get on with that re-write mentioned above... ;) Nor do I understand too much about politics over there, but I agree the law / religion should be separate. People. Phhft.

    p.s. unrelated, but I've spent the past couple of days Googling images of Lance Henriksen for reference, and is it wrong that I'm starting to find him oddly attractive? I blame you. x

  14. You are missing the point my friend. Once we allow gays to marry then...ah...I mean Adam and Eve, not Adam

    Oh Hell, go ahead and let them marry!

  15. You know, I've always enjoyed your blog posts but none have been so perfectly informative as this one (though you've prob done posts like this before - maybe I missed them?) You said everything I've wanted to say but didn't study enough Bible passages to accurately defend. This should be required reading for closed-minded conservative Catholics everywhere - or at least those of us that have to deal with them on a weekly basis.

    In other news, my story blog is up and running. It's from a female POV, which will be fun to try but a bit daunting as I'm sure I will have missed some essential feature of the female psyche. I sent the invite to your bellatrix e-mail. And I've started an exercise routine that hopefully won't fail (for a while, at least) No bike yet, homemade or otherwise. Maybe for my b-day.

  16. I came back from the dead and read your rant. Just what I needed to start feeling some contempt for most of the human race and politics. Let's all just get along and let them marry etc etc

  17. Okay, I'm back now. I still agree with you 100%. Even though I'm a conservative...PLEASE DON'T LEAVE...I fail to understand why there's so much animus against gay people. I'll make fun of them like I would make fun of straight people. Like I would make fun of me. With so much evil in the world why are a lot of people getting their knickers in a knot over who someone chooses to love? Incredible. I agree with Mark. We're not all like those who would deny basic rights to others. The dinosaurs all became extinct. Well, except Rush Limbaugh. Eventually that too will pass.
    I must say...that Father Ted was a feckin' scream.


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.